Closing a chapter

I like to think I have the best of intentions on most days.  I make lists of all kinds to plan out what needs done at home and work… to do lists, crafty lists, must do lists and “the list” to name a few…The point of the lists is to get organized…. make a plan… attack items on said lists… then cross items off the list.

The problem is with so many lists… it can be hard to keep track of what needs done.  SO then in an effort to prioritize I make a new list.  Pulling items from each of my lists and working from there.  The trouble is, for every one item I cross off of one list, another 10 pops up.

I don’t know about you, but for me there’s always a couple of things that you COULD do on your list but just keep shuffling them down further on the priority line.  Things that you have to do, but really just don’t wanna do…

I FINALLY got to cross one of these off of my at home “must-do” list!  I cleaned out my storage closet in the basement!  Oh, the bins I went through and the things I found…. my cabbage patch kid, named Gwendolyn Merlina ( who was ever so stylish in red tights and a white, pink and yellow dress)…. my porcelain ballet shoes my grandma got me when my lifelong dream was becoming a ballerina… odds and ends and tons more… I got rid of ALOT of stuff…. notes that friends wrote me in elementary school… “love” letters from my college boyfriend… cards from birthdays…. I organized some of my Christmas decorations…. Oh, the CRAP I decided to hang on to!  What was I thinking???

THEN, I moved on to my teaching stash…. I kept putting it off!

HOLY MOLY did I still have a lot! Supplies, manipulatives, decorations, resources… All of which I made or purchased out-of-pocket because I wanted to.  I LOVED decorating my classroom.  Ask anyone I worked with, my walls were covered from floor to ceiling… windows were decorated… hallways not to be left out either.  Everything had a learning purpose… Sorting through and remembering… sorting through and deciding…

It was time to get rid and make room.  So, I bit the proverbial bullet and decided it was time to sell my teaching goodies.

Bulletin board pieces….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

handmade bits and pieces

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

borders

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

resources and much much more….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I remembered where things hung in my room… I remembered when I bought certain things… I remembered that A certain student bought me a gift card that I purchased certain supplies with…  It is honestly amazing to me that I can still remember such things, yet I have to think two or three times to remember if I turned my hair straightener off in the morning….  Bizarre isn’t it?!  Anyways…..  

I was generally ok going through everything…

Until I got to my huge stash of children’s books…  the books that I read to the kids each and every day.  My good books, that weren’t in the lending library or book bin.  These were my GOOD books. Oh the memories, that came flooding over…

There are certain books that remind me of certain students… or there were certain books that I LOVED reading to the kids… and there were the books that the kids ALWAYS wanted me to read to the point that I was flat out sick and tired of them….

It’s funny how a lifelong dream can change… that your goals in life and where you end up don’t always align in a way that you understand.  In the last several weeks, I’ve been asked if I plan on returning to teaching … if I miss working with the kids.

The answers are no… and yes.  

Yea, I know… right?  Who would have thought my answer to the first question would be no.  For nearly as long as I can remember all I ever wanted to do was teach.  I loved every single minute I spent in the classroom with my students.  They are what I miss about the field…. not the school systems.

It was an incredibly hard decision for me initially… as was going through my teaching stuff.  But the fact of the matter is… I have so many incredible memories of my time with the kiddos… and their families… and many fellow teachers….  There was no point of holding on to all this “STUFF.”  That’s all it was …. it was stuff.  I still have the memories.  I still have the notes from grateful parents… and appreciative kids…

I know, that for a period of time in my life, parents entrusted me, lil ‘ol me, with the education and future of their most precious gifts.   How lucky was I?!  What an incredible gift they gave to me!  I am fortunate to have had those experiences thanks to none other than myself and those students and their families.  I am thankful for those memories.  I am thankful I was able to share those precious teachable moments with those kiddos…  Those are things that I will ALWAYS have no matter the job I hold.  I am happy with the mark I left in the education world while I was in it… I am even happier to know that to some, I made a difference.

But now, I am happy to be cleaning out the “closet”… Closing a chapter in this awesome book I call my life.

In the mean time… Yea, you know all those children’s books?  Not a chance in the world I’m parting ways with those!  Those bins will be staying put… no doubt about it.

 

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Time for a new to do list

After talking with some co-workers… and mulling over ideas for crafty ventures… and taking a considerable amount of time away from blogging consistently in the last 6 months… it’s time for a make over… a “to do list” make over…

It’s funny all that can change in a year’s time… Seriously… It’s almost insane to think how much can change.  Goals.  Ideas.  Just everyday life and what you want to do in it AND with it.

Pinterest has become such an addiction for me… as has diving in to new tunes… my profession has changed… I have new goals… there is a ton I wanna do… even more that I want to try… I’m thinking it’s time to revamp “the list” a bit…

The wheels are a turning… and I want to hear your ideas!

 

Take a minute to look over my old list  (click on the hyperlink) which is a replacement to the really old list (again, click on the hyperlink)…

THEN… share your ideas about what YOU think I should include on my new “to do” life list!

 

Can’t wait to hear what you have to say!  :)

Take me as I am

It’s funny how sometimes a quote or song lyrics just really strike accord with me… Like they were put into the universe specifically for me.

It’s actually kinda freaky to me just how often it occurs.

My brother-in-law’s sister posted the above quote on Facebook this evening… It was the very first thing I saw after a REALLY long day of work, running here and there, grocery shopping,  making & eating dinner and sorting through some things.  It was pretty much perfect.

Perfect for me.

Take me as I am or watch me as I go…

How absolutely amazing is that thought?

Often times, I concern myself far too much with what people think of me or how they view me.  Whether my words will be offensive or if my actions were the cause for things that quite frankly were COMPLETELY outta my control.  I often wonder what makes individuals feel so inclined to offer opinions on personal matters when none were solicited. Or the times when I doubted myself and my confidence wavered because of someone else’s insecurities and superficiality seeping through.

I sit here reminded of how often I’ve doubted myself in the past because of the actions or inactions of others.

Take me as I am or watch me as I go…

I wonder, truly wonder just how many times in my life I have let the opinion of another influence my thoughts, words or actions in a negative manner… I know, in my heart of hearts that I have fallen prey to that more times than I’d care to admit.

It’s funny how quick we are to fall into doubting ourselves because of one person or a single situation.

In this last year, I have come a long way…

I recently decided to take a dive back into the dating world…. I know, right?!  I’m just as surprised as you!

There is honestly nothing more nerve-wracking than dating.  The initial date is either a flop or a fly…. You fumble around, purse spilling out all over the floor within the first 5 minutes of meeting, and find your way through the potentially awkward hellos and goodbyes.  I am A-Okay with that. It’s part of the fun, right?!  At least that’s what I’m telling myself.

Take me as I am…. or watch me as I go…

After a first date how many of you think….  ”What did I say? What shouldn’t I have said?  Did I ask too much?  Want too much?  Not enough?  Was I pretty enough?”  I know I have in the past!

Right now… where I am is a TOTALLY different place… One that I couldn’t be happier about.  I know now, that if it doesn’t work out it’s because that person just wasn’t the right one for me.  If a man truly wants to be with me, he will move mountains just to spend 5 minutes with me…  A good friend of mine and my best friend and her husband all reminded me of that (SERIOUSLY LADIES… REMEMBER THAT!)

Every experience in life is preparation for the next big thing coming your way.

Don’t doubt yourself… Don’t question why because it wasn’t meant to be.

SOMEDAY I will have that perfect match in my life… until then….

While I try to please those in my life,  the truth of the matter is, it’s my life.  People come and yes, some go… the ones that CHOOSE to go don’t have a clue what they’re missing out on.   And if the one’s that stay aren’t adding to your life?  The one’s that aren’t giving you what you deserve or need?

Just tell them… it’s really, a quite simple concept…

Take me as I am or watch me as I go…

I’ll Get By With a Little Help From My Friends

I’m a lucky gal.

Seriously.

Sometimes though, I forget and need to give myself a swift kick in the shins to get my act together and straighten myself out.

And if that doesn’t work one of my loves will step in at the bottom of the 9th & push me round the bases to make sure I at least attempt to bring in that game winning run.

And if that STILL doesn’t work I always have my tunes to fall back on.

If anything I’ve learned in the last 8 months or so it’s that surrounding yourself with positive people makes a whole world of difference!  If you surround yourself with negativity, it will undoubtedly rub its nasty hand off on ya… so steer clear of it at all costs!  That’s not to say we all don’t have days… but I’m pretty thankful that they are few and far between!

To that end, I consider myself to be quite lucky to live where I live… there are 13 apartments in my building and generally every one is so pleasant… We make good neighbors… with the exception of the over-exuberant hockey/football watching moments during which NO ONE in the complex needs to turn their tv on to know the score of a game.  But seriously, it that’s the WORST that happens around here, I WILL TAKE IT!  We all look out for each other, which I find to be awesome.  It reaffirms my belief that good people do exist in this world and that with a little act of kindness and some common courtesy it’s not too hard to bring a smile to someone’s face.  We work together when needed or help out whenever possible.

One example that comes to mind right away was the “ice storm” we got a little ways back… I started chipping the ice off on an older neighbor’s car while mine warmed up… In the meantime another neighbor came out to help me with the older neighbor’s car and then mine since someone else had already cleaned her car off!  How awesome is that?!  Oh AND I have 2 awesomely fabulous neighbors who will lift my windshield wipers up when they’re calling for snow/icy stuff so they’re not frozen to the windshield!  That makes my morning when I see that!!!

Another example would be when I was down and out because of my “stone issues” :/…. I had neighbors leaving bags of dvd’s at my door, offers for store runs and tons of messages just to check in and see if I was ok…

If we see someone’s car has been in the same parking spot for days on out, we check in.  We’ll hold the door when we see someone pull in the lot so they don’t have to dig their keys out…

Simple things… little things… those are the things that make living here pretty darn good by my standards…

So…. can ya do me a favor?  Hold the door for the person behind you…. put someones shopping cart away for them… or here’s really throwing something out there….. smile at someone for no reason at all!

You’ll be surprised at the rewards that will come…

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Heartstrings

We all have them… some never think about them.

I am reminded of mine on a daily basis…

HEARTSTRINGS   (härt string) n.

1.  The deepest feelings or affections: a tug at the heartstrings.

2. One of the nerves or tendons formerly believed to brace and sustain the heart.

In times of great happiness and excitement and moments of sadness and disappointment, I feel the pulling of my heartstrings.

When someone I love hurts me or someone I love is hurting, I feel the tugging of my heartstrings.

When the little nephews flash a chubby cheeked grin or tears start rolling down those same chubby cheeks my heartstrings pull a little.

With each loss of a loved one, their absence pulls the heartstrings one way while memories of our time together enter into a game of tug of war, insisting that the heartstrings be happy and not filled with sadness.

With each betrayal the heartstrings grow fragile, become worn… with each kind gesture or warm embrace they grow stronger, more resilient.

When people just “get” me and understand me… when they know how I’m feeling and say what I can’t… or when there’s nothing to say and they know that is a-okay too…

Heartstrings are embedded into your very being…

Always being tugged and pulled in every which direction, by a billion different emotions one experiences in their lifetime.  Lately they seem to be pulled more than I care to happen… but it’s not something I can totally control.

but… such is the way it happens from time to time…

You have days, such as today where the heartstrings are tugged a little harder in both directions… One of those conflicted days when you celebrate the life lived and miss the life lost.

It’s a hard balance to maintain, but the man I remember, the one I miss, the man I try to celebrate not just today but everyday wouldn’t want me or my mom or my sisters or my brother or his grandchildren or siblings, nieces or nephews to be sad.  I KNOW in my heart of hearts with every single heartstring that is being pulled in every which direction, that this man would want us to remember the happy times and the healthy times.

He’d want us to celebrate the time we spent together with him, as well as the time shared in the years since his leaving.

He’d want us to honor his memory going forward;  Not living in the past wishing and thinking of what was or what could have been; What wasn’t or didn’t happen.

Life isn’t always a walk in a park full of sunshine and daisies. My step-dad’s life and the example he lived was sure-fire proof of that.  Life is going to throw curve balls your way.  You will be faced with challenges but you don’t stand a chance of coming out on top if you don’t face them head on with a “go get ‘em” attitude.  If ever there’s a thing that my step dad taught me it was that.  He chose a noble path, opting for experimental treatments saying “even if they won’t help me they could help someone else down the road.”  Faced with the ugliness that was cancer, he chose not to think only of himself and his family, he thought of the positive effect his treatments could have on others.  Not many would be brave enough to think in such a manner when faced with such a challenge.  But, he did.  That is amazing.

Every day, because of him, I am reminded that life is all about choices… in everything you do in and everything you say, you have a choice.  A choice to react and a choice to ignore.  A choice to celebrate and a choice to honor.  A choice to take a beast head on or cower in the shadows.

No matter the difference you have the choice.  It’s yours to make.  And it’s yours to live with the consequences.

With each tug of the heartstrings, I am reminded of these choices.  I choose to live life going forward.  Not looking back and pondering couldas, shouldas and wouldas.

That being said, here is something someone recently said to me and I am just LOVING it… it is so true and how I want to go about MY life and honor those in it….

I’m choosing to live.  Live life happily.

Without regrets… Without looking back.

Life is NOT a rehearsal.  You only get one shot at it so make one you can live with… one you can be proud of.