Do you Megan, take the, Heating Pad to be your lawfully wedded partner? In sickness & health, in good times and bad, for richer for poorer as long as you both shall live?
Well, at least for the last 10 days I’ve been married to my heating pad… and my couch… and DVD player… and pain pills…
I’m sorry you never got the invitation for this beauteous occasion…. Please don’t hold it against me. You really didn’t miss much of a party at all.
And guess what?! It’s been no honey moon….
The whirlwind romance nightmare began one Wednesday night about a week and a half ago when I was awoken by a sweet kiss on the cheek from the hot fella sharing my pillow the stabbing pain in my side and lower back.
You know that nagging ex boyfriend that keeps popping back into your life at the most inopportune times? The one that you just can’t seem to get rid of and continues to cause you ridiculous amounts of pain? That what this visit was like except that the nagging pain was not that of an ex-boy friend & certainly not as celebratory as a wedding … it was none other than that of my arch nemesis and relentless visitors that have long wore out their welcome.
These rocks and I are no strangers. We’ve had a well-documented, torrid love affair hate-hate relationship for about a year now. And up until this point, I was the clear winner in not letting the pesky bastards knock me down. I didn’t have insurance so I dealt with it the best I could, waiting it out and passing em through. Passed one at work, kept on working. Passed one in the morning, went to boyfriend’s house that night. I did all I could do. Ibuprofen, heating pad, and drink water, water and more water. Couldn’t go arunning to the doctors everytime I had em… so I sucked it up & dealt with it.
Until that Wednesday night a week and a half ago that is… there was no ignoring the hurting. Up all night unable to get comfortable. Little did I know that would begin my marriage to the Heating Pad for the next 10 days (and counting)…
No sleep was had… not a wink. I wouldn’t have complained had it been that non-existant hot guy sharing the pillow with me keeping me awake all night. Just sayin’…
By noon on Thursday afternoon I was hurting bad enough to go to MedExpress… x-rays & blood work and sent home with pain pills that ended up not even touching the pain. The x-ray showed two stones in my right kidney. ..hmmmmm, my pain was on the left side… Proving to be a rocky marriage from the get go.
By 11:00 PM Thursday night I could barely stand and started heaving into the porcelain throne for the next 3 hours… I then decided it was time to call in the reinforcements… the
I didn’t wanna do it. I tried REALLY hard to wait until a more acceptable hour to put the call in to her but it just wasn’t getting any better.
You know it was damn bad when I decided it was time to go to the ER… boo!
After what seemed like the world’s longest 12 mile drive to the hospital we were greeted by the non-sparkly and less than cheerful lady at the check in window… the one who as I am hurling into the garbage can I had in tow is looking on annoyedly at the fact that she needed to get my personal info and I was clearly indisposed at that exact moment.
She was a true peach, let me tell ya.
Luckily though, the next bunch of peoples I interacted with through out my eternally brief stay at the hospital were far more pleasant and peachy.
Oh to be pricked and prodded while puking is a precious experience lemme tell ya… IV meds which didn’t work, CT scan, x-rays and blood work … more IV meds that didn’t work… sent home with pain pills that didn’t work.
The lil sister called with results of the CT & such. It seems as if my insides were in stating a rebellion on me at the ripe old age of 33 without even consulting me before hand.
The CT scan showed one 8mm stone on my left side… that was the beast that was kicking the crap outta me…Literally! Oh and remember above when I said the x-ray at MedExpress showed 2 stones on the right side? Guess what? It lied! There were in fact 2 stones in my right kidney. What it didn’t show, that the CT shed some light on was that there were 8 more stones in addition to the 2 seen in the x-ray. Yea, 11 freaking rocks in my body. PLUS a cyst on one of my ovaries and fibroids on my uterus. Yes, I know, I know, I am divulging a whole lotta information on you that some may find “inappropriate for sharing” in such a forum, but these sorts of things happen when you don’t go to get your stuff checked out regularly… I hadn’t gone to the doctor for more years that I care to admit because I did not have health insurance. Thankfully, now I do and everything will be covered…. My point is though, even if you don’t have insurance, get your butt to a clinic or something. It does your body no good to let things go… Get your butt to the doctors! Now! Don’t put it off. Sorry, for my digression…
back to the monster stone… Made an appointment at the urologist’s office for Tuesday because of the holiday. Happy Freakin’ New Year to me… It ROCKED. (Ha ha ha… I clearly crack myself up. Or maybe I’ve just cracked. The verdict is still out on that.) So this left me to hang in there with the pain until then… with pain pills that didn’t do a darn thing. Sooooooooo….. that left me with the Heating Pad. Fast forward through a coupla days of becoming one with my couch and said heating pad and pain pills…
I find myself at the urologist office on Tuesday having to pee in a cup on demand for at least the 4th time in as many days. I think I should have started charging for each cup filled… 100 bucks a pop. Then I’d at least have a good start on getting that MAC I want! The Physician’s Assistant proceeded to tell me just how big my rock was and that was going to be the focus of our meeting. Basically after blubbering about how much I was hurting and how crappy I’d felt for days, the wonderful urologist SQUEEZED me in for surgery that afternoon.
AGHHHHHHH!!!! Surgery?! Well…. technically some may not classify it as surgery due to the lack of any actual incision. BUT, I absolutely considered this surgery. I was being knocked out… I’ve never had any sort of anything done to me before besides IV’s for meds in the ER. No surgery for anything. I was a basket case.
Ureteroscopy, stone extraction, lithotripsy and placement of a stent.
I arrived at the hospital 2 hours early exactly as instructed thanks to the MOM. Immediately the “preparations” began. I had to sign papers, put one of those LOVELY hospital gowns on with the opening in the BACK (what is up with that?! Always the opening goes to the back… Fine, if you wanna look at my fat butt, go right ahead, you sicko! ), and those silly uni-foot slipper socks ( you know the ones that don’t have a designated front or back… super cool). And guess what, I had to pee in a cup again! Another $100 I coulda had towards the MAC…
Blood drawn, IV’s in and confirming my name and what surgery I was having about 150 times, the MOM came back to wait with me… Waiting… But as I was pricked and prodded and just wanting to get the show on the road, I was fortunate to have the comedic entertainment of a 70+ old man directly across the hall from me. He was apparently in to get a new battery as he stated about 151 times. At first I found him a bit entertaining… then my eyes got a surprise they were NOT expecting and still haven’t recovered from since. I just didn’t have words… except for asking mom to close the curtain to my “room” because I had seen and experienced enough… ** Imagine… hospital gown… on 70+ old man… instructions to be completely naked underneath… his complete lack of modesty and laying SPREAD EAGLE on his bed… I think he knew exactly what he was doing… NOT what I wanted to see. Just sayin’**
People in and outta my room, introduced to me but I don’t remember who was who or what was what… As one was behind me and another in front rolling me on the hospital bed to the OR they tried making small talk. Asking about my job. Told them it was new. Asked about my old job. Told ‘em what I used to do… Asked where it was… told ‘em where it was… Asked about the people I used to work for… Told ‘em to kiss my butt (well not really but pretty close to it)… REALLY?! Right before I go into surgery those people are the ABSOLUTE LAST that I care to speak about, ever. let alone as I’m being wheeled in for surgery. THANK GOD, they gave me the stuff that was putting me to sleep right then and there or I may have flipped out. The last thing I remember was someone asking if it was ok for them to put my legs up in the stirrups… LADIES, you know how awesome that it. Thankfully though, I don’t even remember anything occurring. Were my legs up there? I dunno?
I woke up in recovery… all sorts of groggy and hurting… More pain meds… some water… and several hours later I was home.
I wish, I could tell you that I felt 100% better at that point. But, nope…. I cannot.
It seems that the stent that was put in could either be your best friend or your worst enemy… Guess which it has been for me?!? WORST ENEMY.
Hurts all the time. And when I hafta go “drain the hose” as you fellas call it… HOLY CRAP… I can’t even describe to you the pain the follows. Thank you for stabbing me in the back… no seriously, thank you. I enjoy tears running down my face and feeling like I’m gonna hurl every time I have to pee.
And since I’ve first started experiencing kidney stones, I’ve heard from many, many people that the pain associated with these rocks lodged inside of me is supposedly WAY worse than child labor. To that, I say, BRING ON THE KIDS. When the time comes, I’ll have not a problem in the world pushing ‘em out. Score for me!
And sooooooo… over a week after this damn marriage to the heating pad started… not even a week after the surgery… I WANT A DIVORCE. Not from my heating pad… but my kidneys… or this stent… Happily knowing that on Tuesday, my wish will be granted… the stent will be gone! Woo Hoo!
As for my other issues such as the 10 other stones and cyst and fibroid and crappy blood work… the ball will now be rolling on what is what and why it is. On the road to getting better, I am so very thankful for every second of every day that my heating pad hasn’t crapped out on me just yet.
For those of you that have shown and shared concern for me, I thank you… For the get well tweets, texts, phone calls, offers to run errands, Facebook messages and shout outs, I thank you and appreciate them more than you know.
It’s been a ROCKY road and ROCKY start to the new year, but here’s to hoping that 2012 can only get better from here, right?!
Much love to you in 2012 my friends…
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