…Goals…past and present

About 10 years ago, naive and young girl that I was, I created a list.  THE LIST.  Now I am sure most of us have created many a lists throughout our days.  But the list I am talking about is T.H.E. L.I.S.T.  The one where you lay out your life plan, crossing your t’s and dotting your i’s.  Spelling out all your grand plans in life.  The goals you wish to attain; the landmark occasions you have planned out for yourself; all your hopes and dreams spelled out right in front of you; at the ripe old age of 22 I decided I should have ALL the items on my list completed by the age of 28. 

Hmmmmm. 

Some things don’t go exactly as planned…

I’m going to be 32 next week.  I can honestly say that none of those goals/landmarks/dreams have happened.  Why?  I dunno.  No particular reason.  At one point in time this realization (or unrealization, depending on how you look at it) would have sent me shaking in my shoes, feeling sorry.  But, why?  Just because I had the idea that I wanted to “have” these things by the age of 28.  What made 28 so special?  Again, I DON’T KNOW…Am I working towards fulfilling these goals?  Each and everyday. But the difference is, I am not working on a timeline. 

Funny the way it is….

At 32, well almost, I consider myself to be a-okay.  Am I perfect?  Absolutely not, by any means.  Am I ok with myself?  Absolutely.  Am I okay with where I am in life?  Parts yes, parts no.   The difference between the person who created the list and the person sitting here typing this is LIFE.  Experiencing many ups and downs, twists and turns, laughs and tears has made me become a better person than I ever could have imagined for myself.  Do I have anything and everything I want?  Absolutely not.  Am I working towards actually BEING the person I WANT to be.  ABSOLUTELY.   What’s left in life if you have already attained anything and everything you want in life?

THE LIST…

Ok… So here it goes…Have not shared this entire list with ANYONE, EVER…

  1. Have my dream house….including a beautiful flower garden, craft room, swimming pool and 2 car garage. 
  2. Be married
  3. Have at least 2 kids…
  4. Have the dream job…
  5. Have a book of poetry published…
  6. Have a children’s picture book published…
  7. Learn photography…

Now….  remember I was 22.  Just finishing up my undergraduate work at Edinboro.  LIFE was just beginning.

Breaking it down….

Do I still want to attain these goals?  In a manner of speaking, yes.  Are the exactly the same goals as the goals I have for myself today?  To a degree, yes. 

The difference…

Somethings are in my control, while others are not.  The bottom line to this whole thing is about being who I am no matter what I have achieved at this point in my life.  I refuse to let a set of GOALS define me.  Am I proud of the things I have accomplished thus far in my life?  ABSOLUTELY.  Am I going to continue to work on these goals?  FOR SURE.  The difference being…time.  Restricting myself with a timeline to complete each of these tasks was crippling….

The whole marriage thing.  Have I ever been close?  Thought I was once.  Was I close in reality?  NOPE.  The difference being, time.  Much time has passed and I have learned and grown from that experience and those who followed suit.  I give credit to myself for growing stronger and keeping faith that when the time is right and more importantly, when the person is right, it will happen. 

As for the house… I have a roof over my head.  A place I call my own.  That is good enough for me.  A home is what you make of it, not the size of the rooms or a 2 car garage.  I am making do just fine.  Thinking my deck flower garden looks mighty good if I do say so myself! 🙂 

As for the kiddos…not having any of my own yet is a-okay.  I am lucky enough to be surrounded by TONS of fabulous kids each and every day at work.  Their smiles bring smiles to my face.  Their laughter makes me laugh.  Teaching them responsibility and manners; watching little ones learn to talk and walk; gaining their respect after showing them what respect is; seeing my “littles” from my first year teaching entering 5th and 6th grade…I don’t even have the words to express how lucky I am to have those kiddos in my life.  They are surely giving me LOTS of practice for children of my own someday.

Now, the  job… This idea has changed for me a bit over the years.  I believe in kindergarten I wanted to be a ballerina.  I mean, what little girl didn’t?  Shortly after I changed my mind to be a teacher.  Now, one would think chosing a major when entering college would be a no brainer then.  WRONG.  I did so well in accounting in highschool and had always loved math so I decided to major in Accounting.  Well, long story short, I changed my major to Elementary Education. This road led me to Maryland ( among other things).  We all know how much I loved it there, right?  Came home and landed a job where I am currently working, 7 years to the day next week.  Everything happens for a reason…I moved home and was with my family when A LOT started going on.  I was MEANT to be there.  Met a lot of great people.  Made some good friends. Good stuff.

…I know I want to teach.  What exactly???  Little kids?  Special needs? everything in between?  My answer…what ever makes me happy at the end of the day. oh, definitely NOT highschool.  (NO THANKS!)  I’m still trying to figure out exactly what I want to be when I grow up. When I find out I’ll let ya know! 

  Poetry…

you can call them poems…you can all them pieces of me…musings…bits ‘n pieces….whatever floats your boat….  I have been writing for as long as I can remember…Most significantly writing about crushes back in highschool.  Oh my goodness, the funny and silly things I wrote back then!  Great for a good laugh, thinking that life was so terribly difficult.  But, they were a part of my history; the way I felt; what I thought; how I reacted and dealt.  If I only knew then what I know now.  Writing to me is relaxing.  It calms me.  It is my best and strongest coping mechanism.  Writing is what has gotten me through some of the most difficult situations in my almost 32 years on this beautiful Earth. Why haven’t I published anything?  No reason.  I share with friends and family.  I post things on here.  I’ll rant a little here and there.  I’m not saying they’ll never be published.  Just not ready yet. 

The children’s picture book…I LOVE children’s literature….  I love, love, love, Eric Carle.  I love anything Shel Silverstein. Have you read any of the Sideways Stories by Lois Sachar?  If not, I recommend you do.  They are hysterical!  Do me a favor…if you have a child read Love You Forever by Robert Munsch.  Reading to your children is sooooo very important.  My mom read to me for as long as I can remember; Berenstain Bears and the Little Critter books pop into my mind immediately.  I want to be a part of the magic of a little kids book.  Looking at their eyes widen as they are captivated by the story you are telling them is one of the single most rewarding experiences of being a teacher of “little people.”  Don’t count me out yet.  There is still time… 

Photography…Don’t know how, why, or when I got this idea, but I LOVE pictures.  Ask anyone.  I have them EVERYWHERE.  I always have.  My door room and apartment were and are filled with them.  Some I have taken myself. Others, friends or family have taken.  I like to pretend I know what I am doing; in reality, I have not a clue.  I just point and shoot.  It is amazing what we can do with technology…that is if you know how to use it properly. Again, not giving up on this either…I know a few people who rock at photography.  I just need some pointers.  And maybe a better camera.

The present…

I am a work in progress.  We all are.  Some of us have everything we put on our list.  Some of us are working on our list.  Others are making new lists.  As I see it, do whatever your heart desires so long as it makes YOU happy.  Don’t restrict yourself with a timeline.  Life is too short and can get in the way if you are consumed by making and meeting deadlines.  Yes, deadlines do hold importance in some instances; but our time here is not in our hands.  It’s in the hands of another.  Don’t waste your time watching time tick away.  Live for today and what you have at hand.  Be thankful. 

I know I am…

 

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2 thoughts on “…Goals…past and present

  1. Pingback: Getting Back In the Swing Of Things « Maggie Mae's Days

  2. Pingback: Time for a new to do list « Maggie Mae's Days

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