Archive | February 2, 2011

…Common Ground… PART 3

New ground…Discovering possibilites…

Have you ever met someone and immediately discovered common ground?

That indescribable connection that seems as if it has been there forever. Whether a new friend or a potential significant other, the comfort level already seeming to exist upon first introduction or close there to.

I’ve always considered myself to be a pretty easy-going, friendly, talkative individual.  Comfortable enough in my own skin to strike up conversation with acquaintances from long ago while also able to engage with individuals just having been introduced to.  God knows this girl is a talker.  Even considering that, there are many times that an awkward silence arises or conversation lulls for moments or minutes.  One finds themself filling the awkward silence with mindless nonsense out of nervousness.  Just an overall uncomfortable situation that admittedly I have partaken in too many a time in 32 years.

There are some people however that you just “CLICK” with from the VERY beginning; upon first introduction…whether it be on the telephone, in person, or through emails.  The joy of a conversation that ebbs and flows naturally from the initial encounter, totally intrigues me…  I know, sounds stupid, but I totally and completely dig it when a person can carry on a conversation with me as if we’ve been forever friends or have been dating forever.

The immediate connection of feeling I truly know someone or they know me after only recently having met, initially sends me into a sheer panic.  Basically, “freak-out” mode.  Soon after, I begin to relax and enjoy the moments…ENJOY the fact that I don’t have to worry about how things are going because if it’s right, then it will be easy, relatively speaking.  Everything, everyone, every relationship takes work don’t get me wrong.  The difference being, common ground, mutual respect and understanding makes the work seem much less like work and a little more like a good part of your everyday life.  A part that seems as if it has always been there even though you know, it clearly has not. You have to find the right fit…the commond ground that makes it work for you and the other.

Recently I’ve had the pleasure of encountering one of those such experiences.  Having met only several weeks ago seems a mere impossibility with the level of comfort that has been attained thus far.  Everything about the “getting to know you” process kinda got thrown by the way side as the “CLICK” one hopes for is really there and is freakishly easy.  When an individual just “GETS” you from the very beginning, the work and anxiety that can usually be associated learning the ins and outs of a person are non-existent. 

Finding someone…

…Someone who is realistic in expectations and goals and shares in yours; someone who takes into account your feelings and understands you better than you understand yourself at times just happened.  Someone who shares common interests, desires and values; someone who treats you the way you want to be treated and values yours thoughts and opinions as much as you do theirs. Discovering the common ground you already have established in life through past life experiences, establishing common ground in current situations and the future possibilities for growth between two individuals. 

Soon after one of our very first encounters, I mentioned how the ease of our connection was freaking me out…Only to be calmed and reassured by these words…  He said,  “Relationships should be easy.” 

Huh? What?  I was thinking to myself, “Are you serious?  Never have I been in an easy relationship.”

Then I thought to myself…

…maybe that’s why none of them worked out. 

There it is….my “Aha!” moment. 

Every relationship I’ve experienced in the past had required an ENORMOUS amount of work.  Pouring one’s whole self into a relationship and getting little or nothing in return except hurt and pain.  So much work to try to fix something that wasn’t meant to be… Ummm, ya.  How many of us have done that time and time again? 

Here’s the deal though…

It seriously does make sense too.  A relationship, tried and true or fresh and new, should be easy.  If you take into account each others feelings, beliefs, attitudes, opinions, likes and dislikes; listen to each other…wants, needs, desires and worries, it should be easy. Acknowledging their importance to you and you to them, their significance in your life as well as you in theirs, it should be easy.  Balance is key…Recognizing it is crucial.  It should also be easy.  Compromise is a necessity as well as a nicety.  Finding someone who you are willing to compromise with just as easily as they are will to compromise with you, easy still.


Seriously, easy.  I never thought it possible.

But I am currently being proven WRONG.  It’s a feeling I can’t quite explain.  From beginning to end, the comfort, the respect, the understanding…the common ground is there.  It’s working.

It’s easy.

Discovering common ground should be an easy process…. So far so good. 

I’ll take it; I’m going with it.

Common ground is a crazy thing… a wonderful thing… should be a natural thing.  Whether family, friends, significant other or the like, discovering new threads that tie us all together is what life is all about.  The aforementioned aid in the molding of you as an individual; of the mark you leave on this crazy universe we call home.  Why shouldn’t it be easy?