I dunno know why it happens… but the hoopla or sometimes the lack of hoopla surrounding the new year and it’s celebrations gets to me.
I find myself thinking about what was, what wasn’t, and what isn’t. What I have or what I don’t.
Perhaps it is because I spent the night (hell, who am I kidding…. the last 2 days) on the couch with the heating pad feeling like crap. Worse than crap really. Better than I felt two nights ago but like crap nonetheless.
I don’t know just what it is about this night that throws me for a loop. I get sad. I think about where I’m not versus where I am and where I am going.
I find myself thinking about what I want versus what I have right in front of my face.
I get nostalgic and reminiscent of people and things… Some of which don’t necessarily hold me in the same regard now and may very well never have ever.
I do generally believe myself to be a pretty positive person… at least I try to be. I know some will beg to differ on that point, but especially when it comes to my writing I try to keep it positive and real. That in and of itself can be a bit contradictory at times…
…but there is just something about this night.
It just gets me. I don’t like it.
Just a mere hours earlier I wrote a post that is totally contradicting to this exact post…
“Start each morning with a grateful heart.” That’s what I said…
Yea, I know… I said it now I gotta own it and live it.
Please, don’t get me wrong… I have MUCH to be grateful for… I know this. I’m having a moment though. One that I just needed to put out there… one I normally wouldn’t put out there for all to see. I really did, didn’t I??!! My crankiness is out… you’ve found me out. 😉
But alas I have not yet gone to bed so therefore it is not yet morning so I’m allowing myself this one rant for the night…
Tomorrow… yes tomorrow I will wake with a more grateful heart.