The hoopla

I dunno know why it happens… but the hoopla or sometimes the lack of hoopla surrounding the new year and it’s celebrations gets to me.

I find myself thinking about  what was, what wasn’t, and what isn’t.  What I have or what I don’t.

Perhaps it is because I spent the night (hell, who am I kidding…. the last 2 days) on the couch with the heating pad feeling like crap.  Worse than crap really.  Better than I felt two nights ago but like crap nonetheless.

I don’t know just what it is about this night that throws me for a loop.  I get sad.  I think about where I’m not versus where I am and where I am going.

I find myself thinking about what I want versus what I have right in front of my face.

I get nostalgic and reminiscent of people and things… Some of which don’t necessarily hold me in the same regard now and may very well never have ever.

I do generally believe myself to be a pretty positive person… at least I try to be.  I know some will beg to differ on that point, but especially when it comes to my writing I try to keep it positive and real.  That in and of itself can be a bit contradictory at times…

…but there is just something about this night.

It just gets me. I don’t like it.

Just a mere hours earlier I wrote a post that is totally contradicting to this exact post…

“Start each morning with a grateful heart.”  That’s what I said…

Yea,  I know… I said it now I gotta own it and live it.

Please, don’t get me wrong… I have MUCH to be grateful for… I know this.  I’m having a moment though.  One that I just needed to put out there… one I normally wouldn’t put out there for all to see. I really did, didn’t I??!!  My crankiness is out…  you’ve found me out. 😉

But alas I have not yet gone to bed so therefore it is not yet morning so I’m allowing myself this one rant for the night…

Tomorrow… yes tomorrow I will wake with a more grateful heart.

I promise…

xoxo

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12 thoughts on “The hoopla

  1. New Year’s Eve gets me down too. I sit there feeling slightly outside of things and wondering why everyone else gets more excited than me about it. I’m not the only one who feels like that I know, so there’s some of us who are prone to moody emotional nostalgic self indulgence now and again, that’s what often marks out the poets, writers and philosophers. I do say Happy New Year to people excitedly and happily the next day, but as I don’t drink I’m usually the only one without a hangover. I hope things pick up for you and God bless you and yours.

    • You are very right! As writers, we tend to be very pensive and reflective so it only makes sense that we’d do the same on the 31st of December! May you have a Happy and healthy 2012!

  2. I call it the ‘after Holiday blues…’. It’s a common feeling and normally it helps to have someone around that’ll plant a size 11 boot in tha buttoonocks. It helps. 😉

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