Heartstrings

We all have them… some never think about them.

I am reminded of mine on a daily basis…

HEARTSTRINGS   (härt string) n.

1.  The deepest feelings or affections: a tug at the heartstrings.

2. One of the nerves or tendons formerly believed to brace and sustain the heart.

In times of great happiness and excitement and moments of sadness and disappointment, I feel the pulling of my heartstrings.

When someone I love hurts me or someone I love is hurting, I feel the tugging of my heartstrings.

When the little nephews flash a chubby cheeked grin or tears start rolling down those same chubby cheeks my heartstrings pull a little.

With each loss of a loved one, their absence pulls the heartstrings one way while memories of our time together enter into a game of tug of war, insisting that the heartstrings be happy and not filled with sadness.

With each betrayal the heartstrings grow fragile, become worn… with each kind gesture or warm embrace they grow stronger, more resilient.

When people just “get” me and understand me… when they know how I’m feeling and say what I can’t… or when there’s nothing to say and they know that is a-okay too…

Heartstrings are embedded into your very being…

Always being tugged and pulled in every which direction, by a billion different emotions one experiences in their lifetime.  Lately they seem to be pulled more than I care to happen… but it’s not something I can totally control.

but… such is the way it happens from time to time…

You have days, such as today where the heartstrings are tugged a little harder in both directions… One of those conflicted days when you celebrate the life lived and miss the life lost.

It’s a hard balance to maintain, but the man I remember, the one I miss, the man I try to celebrate not just today but everyday wouldn’t want me or my mom or my sisters or my brother or his grandchildren or siblings, nieces or nephews to be sad.  I KNOW in my heart of hearts with every single heartstring that is being pulled in every which direction, that this man would want us to remember the happy times and the healthy times.

He’d want us to celebrate the time we spent together with him, as well as the time shared in the years since his leaving.

He’d want us to honor his memory going forward;  Not living in the past wishing and thinking of what was or what could have been; What wasn’t or didn’t happen.

Life isn’t always a walk in a park full of sunshine and daisies. My step-dad’s life and the example he lived was sure-fire proof of that.  Life is going to throw curve balls your way.  You will be faced with challenges but you don’t stand a chance of coming out on top if you don’t face them head on with a “go get ’em” attitude.  If ever there’s a thing that my step dad taught me it was that.  He chose a noble path, opting for experimental treatments saying “even if they won’t help me they could help someone else down the road.”  Faced with the ugliness that was cancer, he chose not to think only of himself and his family, he thought of the positive effect his treatments could have on others.  Not many would be brave enough to think in such a manner when faced with such a challenge.  But, he did.  That is amazing.

Every day, because of him, I am reminded that life is all about choices… in everything you do in and everything you say, you have a choice.  A choice to react and a choice to ignore.  A choice to celebrate and a choice to honor.  A choice to take a beast head on or cower in the shadows.

No matter the difference you have the choice.  It’s yours to make.  And it’s yours to live with the consequences.

With each tug of the heartstrings, I am reminded of these choices.  I choose to live life going forward.  Not looking back and pondering couldas, shouldas and wouldas.

That being said, here is something someone recently said to me and I am just LOVING it… it is so true and how I want to go about MY life and honor those in it….

I’m choosing to live.  Live life happily.

Without regrets… Without looking back.

Life is NOT a rehearsal.  You only get one shot at it so make one you can live with… one you can be proud of.