Tag Archive | change

Through the Looking Glass

Life is quite an adventure isn’t it?!

Some days it is a smooth sailing ride while others are up and down and all around crazy.

Writing for me has been the perfect way to document both sorts of days and every other kind in between.  From milestones to heartaches to celebrations and the mundane everyday goings on, writing it out just helps…helps me to deal; helps me to remember.  Some times I blog once a week; sometimes it’s twice a week; there was a time where I was posting each and every day and also a time where I only did one or two posts in an entire month.

Regardless of the frequency, I’ve shared my stories, my thoughts, my nonsense and my opinions… I’ve babbled on about my loves in the music world just as much as my loves in my family… I’ve sought encouragement and vented anger… I’ve jumped up and down in excitement in sharing some occasions with you as well.  It is quite a fun ride… even if I include the crummy days, because lets face it… I am here.

Which way to go what to do?!

With all that has gone on recently such as welcoming my newest nephew into the world, attending several concerts, losing my job, breaking the nicotine habit and spending time with friends  and family I find myself reflecting on all avenues of my life thus far and the road ahead which is somewhat unknown.

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be an outside observer in your own life?  To kinda step out of your skin and take watch of your world around you.

OR

Have you ever sat back and looked over decisions you’ve made and wish that you could change the outcome? Or have you ever revisited a situation in your past that you once felt VERY strongly about and find that years later your opinion on the matter is completely opposite than your original stance was?

Those questions my friends really make me think…

It is good to revisit situations and circumstances from the past and reflect on them retrospectively; taking from each pieces and tidbits of lessons learned. Yes, the past is the past but there is ALWAYS an opportunity to learn from the past in hopes of continual growth in the future. AND there are somethings that are just better off being left in the past…

The best I can relate it is to Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass…

Looking through the glass

Alice went on a pretty incredible unknown adventure.  Was she scared?  unsure?  a bit confused, puzzled and perplexed?  Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.  BUT there were signs and clues along the way.  She took a leap of faith and followed those hints, unsure of where they’d lead her.  It was an incredible journey.  I find myself really relating to Alice these days.

So now, I sit here “looking through the glass” of my adventures so far; Adventures that have been documented through my writings here and writings I have not yet shared with you;  some of which are from 10 or more years ago.

I don’t fully believe the adage, “hind sight is 20/20.”  As with each bump or blessing that occurs I am truly beginning to believe that EVERYTHING in life really DOES happen for a reason, even if it is not immediately in sight. Looking back on the past (places, events and people) I still don’t have clear outlooks on many situations.  I’ve come to the realization as my 33rd birthday approaches next Thursday that it’s okay NOT to understand… It’s okay to NOT know the answers.  THAT is the journey

Looking through the glass on the different “versions” of me that have emerged throughout the years, made visible through my writing is showing me more about myself than I thought it would.  THROUGH the looking-glass I can appreciate ALL that has occurred and all that has changed.

I am the same person as I was some 15 years ago when I started writing… perhaps though;  I am older, I am getting healthier, I am a bit more seasoned, a bit wiser, and a whole lot stronger.

I am a daughter, sister, aunt, granddaughter, cousin, friend… I am a writer, crafter, music-lover looking for the right path to take… more accurately when to take that leap of faith.

In the meantime, I’ll continue taking glimpses through the looking-glass and continue on my own little nonsensical path until I find where ever it is I am meant to be.

Have you taken a glimpse lately?!

 

Trouble finding the words…

Most often, I pick up a pen and paper or start pounding away on the keyboard and let everything out.  The words seem to flow, almost to the point of overflowing.

OR….

I find “words of another” that say everything I wanna say but can’t seem to muster up on my own… whether  it be through quotes, verses or music.

But, there are some times in which I am quite simply at a loss for words.

Recently, I was forced to face a situation I never thought I’d have to experience… losing my job.  (Gah!  I shudder when I say that…)  It was a surprise; It was a shock; it rocked my world.

Words ceased to exist….

In my mind I could only think… “It’s not fair.”

SINCE WHEN HAS LIFE EVER BEEN FAIR???

If life was “fair” my parents wouldn’t have lost their first child at such a young age… If life was “fair” my step-dad and many others would still be here with us not watching over from above… If life was “fair” then little girls like Caylee Anthony would still be here… If life was “fair” homelessness wouldn’t be a problem in our society neither would war or cancer.

I could continue to go on, but you know you’ve been there…  saying that something

JUST.ISN’T.FAIR.

As of May of this year, the unemployment rate in the US is at 9.1% according to the Bureau of Labor and Statistics.  Clearly, I am not alone.  Yes, I lost my job… but so have many others. Some that have families to support, some that are individuals such as myself.  The manner in which it happens is different… downsizing, bankruptcy, whether the reason is true or not, or just because it’s time to move in another direction; whatever the reason, it doesn’t make it easier to hear…it doesn’t necessarily sit well.

Here’s the thing though… it’s only been a little over a week and I know that it will be ok.  I am ok.  I will be ok.

I was blessed to have met some amazingly wonderful people through my 8 years there.  Some phenomenal kids and families and terrific co-workers and staff; some of which that have become my friends and will continue to be a part of my life; some that will no longer be a part of my life anymore and I am ok with that too.

What I’ve lacked in words I garnered in emotions… I’ve been through the gamut a few times and back again. From anger, hurt, sadness and betrayal to contentedness, happy, jovial and just plain old okay to numb and disbelief.

Yet, words still escaped me… Trying to describe the roller coaster of emotions just wasn’t possible… at times, it’s still not.  In talking with those closest to me, they too struggled to find the words… Words that would make me feel better, words of encouragement, of support and understanding, of empathy or sympathy.

Usually, I would turn to writing or listening to my music, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.  Really couldn’t put my finger on any one thing that would make things seem a bit better or help me to channel all the emotions I was feeling.

There were 2 days where I listened to not one song…. I didn’t write one word….

Soooooooo….. NOT…… ME……

Until a very dear friend of mine shared this with me.

I sat at my dining room table… chatting with my friend…listening to this song… tears streaming down my face.

Really?!?  Wait am I waiting for????  This is MY time…. My time to move on to BIGGER and BETTER things.

Which was something I was afraid to do;  if I was honest with myself I would have realized this much sooner.

My words slowly started to return to me…

I then received this song…

The tears began rolling down my face again as I realized these words and the words of the previous song were the exact words that I was searching for and needed to hear.

I am so incredibly lucky to be surrounded by so many wonderful people… I’ve been overwhelmed with the amount of support, love, warmth, prayers, well wishes and listening ears I have been blessed with.  From family and friends in the “here” world to those in my “far” world as well as my blogging friend circle, words can’t express how truly thankful I am to have you in my life.  With your help, I am coming out of this a better person; you’ve helped me to find the words.

I can hold my head high knowing that I’ve done right in my life… I’ve made a difference in people’s lives… I have accomplished many things that I am proud of.  This my friends has just given me a push to do even better things.

Now taking the steps to move on with my life… moving forward into new adventures that promise to be bigger and better than any I’ve ever experienced before.

I received one final song from my friend…

Upon hearing I just sat at my dining room table, shaking my head.
Now, at a loss of words because I had found my words… Or more accurately, my friend GAVE me the words. Everything that I was feeling, thinking, needed to hear and needed to be reminded of were just passed along to me by my friend.

I am reminded that while yes, this situation is not ideal, it could be worse.  I do still have a roof over my head and even if I have to leave my home I do have somewhere else to go.  I do have my health for the most part.  I have family and friends that love me, support me and pick me up when I’m down.

I have people who listen when the words are overflowing…. I have people who love me for who I am not what I do… I have people who believe in me no matter what… I have people who care for and support me in ways that I never thought possible from all over the WORLD (for reals?!?  How cool is that!?!).

I have people that GAVE me the words I was searching for…  For that, I am ever so grateful.

So I am looking forward; no looking back.  The road ahead is sure to be bumpy, but I know that I have the best company at my side and in my heart,  along the way.

I don’t know just yet where I am going or what I’m going to do… (there are a couple promising prospects on the horizon my friends 🙂 )  Yet, I do know that with the support and love of those closest to me and His grace guiding me, I will come outta this on top.

A Pocketful of Sunshine ( and some blog lovin’!)

Hey there my friends!  How’s everybody doing???

The sun is shining here, birds are chirping and I spied a BeAuTifUl rainbow on my way home from running errands… too bad I was driving or I’d be sharing a picture with ya!  It was soooooo wide and the colors were the most vibrant I’ve seen!  Even after having been caught in the rain TWICE today, I’m still a happy camper.

I must say, this week has been pretty phenomenal, even with the random, uninvited interruption the other day.  The past is just that…it’s over.  I’m here, in the now because of the situations and circumstances that transpired throughout the previous 32 years and 10 months; even in the moments that didn’t turn out quite as planned, growth occurred and change happened.  Change for the better!

Soooooo… moving on.

Lots has been going on lately!  All the business has left me a bit exhausted so there’s been lots of hitting the sack early and I’m not complaining about that one bit!

Tuesday, I had dinner with two fabulously wonderful friends…some VERY much needed girl time filled with good eats, great conversation and many laughs…. not to mention unwavering support.  The “interruption” occured right in the middle of dinner.  Talk about PERFECT timing!  I don’t’ think that happened by accident either… SOMEONE, somewhere way up high let it all play out just how I needed it.  For that, I am truly thankful.  PLUS, we got to talk about wedding stuff!  One of these gals is getting married in October and asked me to make her wedding invitations and guest book!  I am soooo excited and extremely happy for her!  YAY Carrie!  🙂

Yesterday, we took the kiddos on a field trip to Idlewild Park… it was a LONG and hot day but we seriously couldn’t have asked for anything better.  The sun was shining even though they were calling for rain; there were NO lines so we got on all the rides with very little waits AND the kiddos were fabulous!  It is by far my favorite trip to take the kids on… it’s a blast for all of us!  I had my yearly corn dog with cheese so I am was absolutely a happy camper!  The two teachers that accompanied me on this trip are absolutely wonderful!  Sometimes I think we have just as much fun together if not more than the kids…  it’s so nice to have a great working relationship with people you can trust and get along with. Where there’s a mutual respect and camaraderie it makes a world of difference.  (Picture with these gals to come in a later post!

In other news….

Recently I have received an overwhelming amount of blog lovin’ and support…. Words really can’t describe how truly grateful I am.

Elizabeth at Mirth and Motivation passed along three blog awards to me last week!

A HUGE thank you to Eliz for thinking of me and my blog…  She is such an inspirational woman, always offering support, encouragement and sound advice.  She is TRULY inspiring and I am grateful to have met her through our writings.

On Wednesday, the wonderfully fabulous and hilarious, Donna at The Redneck Princess dubbed Maggie Mae’s Days her Blog of the Week… I couldn’t be more excited!  Getting a nod from Donna seriously made my day; heck it made my week!  She always has something awesome to read even when she says she’s got nothing; I always look forward to reading what’s going on in her neck of the woods each and every day!   She’s true to her word and offers encouragement and laughter just when I need it….

Then today, I got even more blog lovin’!

Jenna from We’re Jumpin’ was sweet enough to share it with me!  Jenna and I just recently found each other out here in this massive community… so very happy that our paths have crossed as I am totally diggin’ what she has to say!  AND, she’s participating in a 30 day music challenge, so of course that right there, got me hooked!  THANKS girl!  Look forward to reading lots more of yours!

To these three ladies… I want to thank you for much more than the awards and features… I am so incredibly blessed to have you in my life.  Your words, nods and xoxos get me through the longest of days and happiest of moments. XOXOXO 🙂

Ok…. so next up with the fun part!  THE MUST-DOs of accepting these awards!  ( we all know I don’t have to-do lists, I only have MUST-Do lists…) and passing them along!

But…. not until tomorrow as I have a mighty long MUST-DO list I have to get to working on now… Nephew #4’s 1st birthday party is on Sunday and Aunt Mae hasn’t made a single thing yet!!!!

I’m keeping a pocketful of sunshine close by to carry me through!  Keep yours close at hand!

What made you happy today?  Was the sun shining in your neck of the woods?

Shaking my head…

Sometimes that’s all you can do…

When something throws you off or a person disappoints you;

When the past crawls outta the woodwork;

When you’re reminded of misguidings and transgressions;

When you think you’ve got things figured out and it all gets mixed up and strewn about by one singular, simple act…

All I can do is shake my head.

Today I was thrown off by someone attempting to enter back in to my life after having treated me in a most immature and disrespectful manner several months ago; Showing no regard for my thoughts, feelings or well being those months ago only for their own.

I am a better person…  I have grown… I am okay… I am me….  

If you don’t appreciate me for that or all that makes me who I am then you don’t deserve a place in my life…

You are a part of my past and that I’m happy to say is just where you’ll stay.

 

All I can do is shake my head…

 

 

Happy Anniversary… A year of blogging!

It’s my one year “blog”-iversary today!!! On June 12, 2010 I wrote The Bits ‘N Pieces, which was my very first blog post!  Was it really a year ago already?!?

During these last 12 months Maggie Mae’s Days has seen…

  • 115 Blog posts
  • 7,851 views
  • 30 subscribers
  • 782 comments/pingbacks
While pleased and overwhelmed by those numbers, none of that matters to me in the least.
What matters is all that has changed and how much I’ve grown during that time span.  My blog has helped to fine tune my writing and share my life with all of you.  Writing on my blog helped me deal with and rationalize all the ups and downs and anything and everything in between. Sharing with you has helped me to work through some tough times without anyone holding or passing judgement. I’ve become more confident in sharing my thoughts, views and opinions and have learned to accept compliments and criticisms much more gracefully.
I’ve come to know so many WONDERFULLY AMAZING people through writing this blog; each of whom has  provided support, comfort, smiles and laughter through their own words on their blogs as well as in the words they shared with me personally.  Through comments, personal emails, tweets and Facebook messages I’ve received support and reassurance. I want to thank my blogging friends…I am so blessed to have met you and come to know you through our sharing of words.  There are some that I consider to be true friends even though we’ve never physically met.
You’ve walked with me through the adoption of B-Shane;
you’ve helped me through it all, the tough stuff remembering those gone before me;
you’ve supported me during the loss of my grandma;

Roger Waters

You’ve learned about my love of music, music, music and more music;
You got to see my most favorite things and read through 100 random facts about me;
You’ve watched as I’ve crossed off items on the list , cheered me on through kitchen drama and my return to running, while helping me to refocus when I’ve lost my way.
Through it all I’ve learned that no matter how difficult the days may get, the promise of better days is ever-present; It’s up to me to recognize and acknowledge what I’m presented with and make the best of any and every situation.
Some numbers that DO matter from the last 12 months…
  • Nephew #4 was born only 10 days after I began my blog
  • Nephew #5 will be born exactly 1 month away from today
  • I’ve been to 6 concerts
  • I’ve participated in 5 craft shows
  • Been to 2 weddings
  • My car celebrated it’s 1st birthday
  • I turned 32 and will soon be 33 next month
  • I ran in my first 5k
I really don’t know what made me decide to start this blog since I’ve been writing for as long as I remember.  I don’t know how long I will continue to write on this blog since you just never know what will happen when.  What I do know is, I will continue writing as long as I am able to.  I will continue to write and share with you whenever I can… I’ve enjoyed getting to know you and sharing of myself with you.  I hope that you’ve enjoyed stopping by and that maybe I made you smile, made you laugh or share a tear.  All I ask is that you take a piece of me with you just as I do each and everyday.
I’ve truly enjoyed the journey that Maggie Mae’s Days has taken me on throughout these last 12 months.  Who knows where I’ll be or what I’ll be doing this time NEXT year?!?  I hope that I’ll still be writing and sharing here so that I can look back and reflect just as I have today.  This has been such a rewarding and uplifting experience thus far… I can only imagine the places it will take me and the people I’ll meet in the coming year. Thank you for joining me and coming back for more…
Be sure to check out the hyper-links in case you missed any of those posts!  And if you get a chance, check out my favorite blogging friends!  They’re the BEST of what’s around with out a doubt!
XOXOXO

…pUzZlE pIeCeS…

The puzzle…

A mystery that never ceases to amaze and astound.  One ponders the possibilities filled with  loops, swoops and pulls in directions unknown and ever-changing.

Finding all the pieces…

Try as I might, attempting to pinpoint all the pieces in the puzzle of life is exhausting.  Bits ‘n pieces are hiding all throughout.  Some plainly in vision, while others remain tucked deep away where eyes have not seen and ears have not heard. Whether it’s the smallest of your hearts desires or the grandest of life’s adventures each serves a purpose, helping to get you to where you are destined to be in life.

The kicker of the whole thing is that where you think you should be or where you want to be may not necessarily be in your life’s plan.  While you have wants, desires and needs and can control some things in life, the greater scheme of things is not in your control.  How you handle and react to all that is thrown your way is something you have control over.  Remembering that is a challenge for me.

Sometimes I find myself questioning things and wondering what makes people act and react the way they do.  It can be quite perplexing at times…

“Why do bad things happen to good people?”

“Why is it so easy for people to be dishonest?”

“Why would a person be brought into my life only to be taken away for one reason or another?”

“How can a person say meaningful things to you one minute, then act like you don’t exist the next?”

Have I come up with answers to any of these questions?  No, not even close actually. Guess I’ll be left to wonder.

Another aspect is deciphering where you want to be in life versus where you should be.  Deciding which road to take and contemplating paths you’ve already taken.  I know for a fact that one decision I made 9 years ago COMPLETELY and TOTALLY changed the path of my life.  Was it a path for the better?  Honestly, if I could make that choice again, I would ave chosen differently… no doubt about it at all. But the long and short of it is that some good things did happen since I made that choice 9 years ago, some of which probably wouldn’t have happened had I not made that decision.  Unfortunately though, I’m left with a much more negative taste in my mouth regarding taking that path and what subsequently followed over the course of these 9 years.

I’m at a point in my life where trying to find the pieces and putting them together is quite difficult.  Which pieces are the right ones to focus on?  Which path should I chose?  Things that were once promising  are now questionable…leading me to think of different possibilities and options for the future.

All I know right now, it that I am puzzled by the puzzle.  I’m not going to quit trying to figure what’s what and where each piece goes… I just need not to let it consume me. Each piece will fall into place on its own at the guidance out of my control.  It’s in Someone else’s hands.

Leaving my mark…

I often wonder if the path I’m walking along is where I’m meant to be….

If the choices I’ve made are the “RIGHT” ones….

I’ve done a lot and seen a lot in a bit over 32 years.  I’ve held several jobs… I’ve been in relationships… I’ve made and lost friends… I’ve moved… started new adventures… 

“… I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken, and the one that could always brighten up your day even if she couldn’t brighten her own…”  -Author unknown

But, there are days I sit back and wonder if I am doing enough. 

 Am I leaving my mark in the world???

How am I going to be remembered one day?

I’m not sure what people would say… I’m not sure I want to ask either to be honest…

I do know that I want to be remembered for many things….

I want to be remembered as a strong, caring, thoughtful individual having taken care of myself and stood strong in the toughest of circumstances while caring and respecting myself and others…Thinking of others before myself when necessary and distinguishing when it is appropriate to think of myself first.

I want to be remembered as a good daughter, sister, aunt, friend and some day wife and mother… putting family first before all else and providing for them unconditionally. Sharing of our happys and sads right along with each other no matter the situation or circumstance.

I want to be remembered as a woman of many talents having explored my creative outlets to my fullest desires… From my home decor items to writing to someday hopefully photography and who knows what else.

I want to have made an impact on someone’s life; my influence having changed a person for the better whether through mentoring, teaching or just sharing of myself in one way or another.  I want to be remembered as a positive influence… shaping and changing someone’s path for the better…

I want to be remembered for my love of life… for embracing all that comes my way and everyone that crosses my path.  Not quick to pass judgement and accepting of all.

I want to be remembered as a good person, an honest and trustworthy person.  One who speaks honestly and with tact; saying what one needs to hear in a way most appropriate for the given situation.  I DON’T want to be remembered for saying negative or ill-mannered things to others.  I want to be remembered for earning and maintaining trusts… 

I want to be remembered as a determined and ambitious woman… Not afraid to embark on new endeavors and try new things… Realistic enough, though to maintain a proper vision of what is appropriate, necessary and well, realistic.  Remembered for not just setting goals but achieving them…

I want to be remembered for grace in my heart… for acknowledging when I am wrong while accepting and acknowledging my faults… Making right when needed and trying my best.  Having the grace to fail with dignity and the pride to celebrate even the smallest of successes.

Is this accurate to what others would say??? I’m really not sure to be honest…  But, I do know that I need to appreciate all that I have and all that I do while I can.  You never know what life has in store for you.  Things can always change in the matter of moments… If you were to leave today, would you be happy with the mark you’ve left? 

I’m not sure that I am 100% happy with the mark I’m leaving, so I am going to try… try to right the wrongs; try to continue along my path and see where it takes me…. keeping mind all along the way, what my actions, words and thoughts could do or lead to…  Being more aware of all that I interact with…

I’ve got some work to do… At least I can acknowledge it and am planning on making an effort…

Focusing a bit more on the mark I am leaving… 

What would you say???  Are these accurate or wayyyyyyy off point?  Tell me!  I wanna know; can’t fix anything unless I know it’s broken! 

Are you leaving a mark?  How do you want to be remembered?