Tag Archive | emotions

Helllllooooooooo?!?! Is there any body out there?

Testing….

Testing…. 1, 2, 3.

This is a test of the emergency blogcast system.

This is only a test. ¬†ūüôā

Hi. ¬†remember me? ¬†Not sure if you do or not so I’ll take a quick minute to introduce myself to you.

My name is Megan. ¬†Megan, from Maggie Mae’s Days? ¬†Oh, you don’t remember me?!

That probably has to do with the fact that I’ve not written a single post in about a month… I’ve only commented on about a handful of your posts in that month as well.

What a month it has been… Extremely busy. ¬†Learning lots. ¬†Conceding a bit. ¬†Slightly singed. ¬†Keeping my head above water.

Big changes (for the better) ¬†in my job have required some extra time… but loving the challenge of it…

A shift in focus in the crafty avenue has been keeping me busy and trying to figure out a way to continue to do what I love even though the avenue I chose didn’t work out…

Brushing off the disappointment I experienced due to the actions or inactions of others…

Sometimes¬†you just have to wave the theoretical white flag in submission…

Sometimes you have to storm the field like it’s no body else’s business…

Sometimes you just have to roll with the punches and look out for #1 because when it comes down to it, that’s all you have.

But then you get back to basics…

…you remember who the people are in your life that matter. ¬†The ones that are always and have always been there.

…you remember that you couldn’t have gotten where you are without those people.

And the ones that left you high and dry… or the ones that don’t appreciate a good thing when it’s right in front of them… too bad, so sad for them. ¬†ūüôā

I am on a totally foreign path right now. ¬†Not one I expected to be on by any means…

But since when does like go according to a plan. ¬†I’ve witnessed, heard and read of a coupla situations this month that proves just how uncertain our time here on this planet is.

Soooo…. I am not going to apologize for my lack of posting. ¬†I’ve done that in the past…

 

But, I will thank you for continuing to stick by even if I have been posting far less than I have previously.

Out of respect for you, I am not posting, just to post… I don’t wanna waste your time. ūüėČ

When the time is right and the words come, I will.

 

 

…NEVER forget…

September 11, 2011…10 years later…

TODAY…

As many others have commented and contemplated upon the tragic events that occurred in New York City, Pennsylvania and the Pentagon, I have found myself¬† thinking of nothing but the same today.¬† It’s a hard feeling to shake.¬† The utter shock and disbelief that our country, our FREE country could be subjected to such an outrageous and devastating tragedy still reigns true till this day, 10 years after first hearing the news.¬† The hows and whys that were muttered by millions replay in my head as I begin to think of what my eyes stared at on the television and ears heard on the radio stations.¬† I, among others, stood in disbelief as¬†each report broke over the sound waves.¬†The trademark skyline, no longer pictures the World Trade Center… The world changed that day…Everything
just stopped.

For me, not much has changed in 10 years.  The shock and disbelief still linger on, but are intermingled with sadness, anger and pride in the present day.

After watching several documentaries in recent days and reading reports and articles, I am taken right back to that initial moment 10 years ago when the world STOPPED…¬†¬† Overflowing with emotion, I sit and watch and relive the horrific scenes and emotions.¬† Still seemingly fresh wounds ever after time has transpired since the actual events occurred.¬† Here are my thoughts and tidbits about the day’s happenings on September 11, 2001 as well as my thoughts today.

Never Forget

HOW could this happen????

I still find myself asking this question.¬† How could something so devastating occur…How can so many people have lost their lives without a chance of escaping…How so many individuals gave of their own lives so freely while trying to save those trapped, hurt and afraid.

The fear that took over me, was something I had never experienced previously.¬† Staring at the images on the television have not gotten any easier.¬† As I sit here watching all of the coverage today, the chills down my spine and¬†tears down my cheeks are as fresh and real as they were in 2001.¬† The emotional response that my body endured 10 years ago is still ever-present in today’s thoughts and experiences.¬† I was fortunate to not have any loved ones directly involved in the attacks or collapses or rescue efforts…yet I was still affected so strongly.¬† The outpouring of emotions I went through during those initial moments were inexplicable.¬† We as a Nation, were in shock..disbelief…angered…mourning… No matter where you were or who you were, you stopped what you were doing and watched, listened, cried¬†and prayed…

…Sadness…

The sadness I experienced in 2001 is the much the same as the sadness I experienced today.¬† The sheer fact that the event occurred and that lives were lost saddens me.¬† The loss of so many lives saddens me still.¬† Sadness for many reasons… lives of innocent people were lost that day; lives of children, parents, firefighters, policemen, rescue personnel.¬† People were minding their own, going about their day-to-day when their world stopped and ended without them even so much as getting the opportunity to say good-bye or defend themselves.¬† Their lives were taken by sick, tormented individuals.

I think my sadness lies deepest with the families that were torn apart by the ruthless actions the terrorists carried out.¬† Children losing a parent… Unborn children having lost a parent… Wives losing husbands… Husbands losing wives… Parents losing children… SO many lives ended… THE WORLD JUST STOPPED on 9/11.¬† Eventually, many of us started to “pick up the pieces” and get our emotions in check, resuming our normal, day-to-day routines.¬† The families directly effected by¬†that days events would never be the same.¬† Their normal, day – to – day just got ripped right out from under them.¬† The healing process is a long and hard road that so many had to embark upon much too soon…

…ANGER…

The fact that a group of individuals could be so ruthless as to carry out the events that occurred, sickens me beyond belief.  I hold such anger that there are such disturbed, evil individuals walking the same planet as me.  Anger that so many lives were lost, loves lost, breaths stopped.

So many lives were changed without warning, without care that I just simply get angry.  There is no further explanation I can provide.  I have such disdain for those whom orchestrated and carried out the terrorist attacks that occurred on 9.11.01.

…Pride…

One nation, indivisible…If ever there was anything good to occur out of these attacks this would be it.¬† Americans took pride in our country.¬† We banded together, stood strong and supported each other.¬† We came together to aid those directly affected by loss or injury.¬† We took pride in ourselves, in our rescue personnel.¬†Words of encouragement were shared, patriotism abounded immediately.¬† Flags flying, hymns blaring.¬† Sadly it took something so tragic to help us exhibit such pride in our nation so freely.¬† Americans spoke out of their pride.¬† Americans stood behind each other.¬† We became ONE NATION in support of all those lives lost and loved.

I take pride in the fact that so many individuals displayed such heroic actions on that day and coming days afterwards.  The individuals aboard the hijacked flight that crashed near Somerset, PA come to mind first when thinking of heroic actions of that day. Their strength and endurance, ambition and selflessness amazed me.  The rescue personnel that so freely risked their lives or gave their lives during the rescue efforts at Ground Zero,  are the epitome of heroes.

TEN years ago….

WHERE I WAS and WHAT I was doing…

Seems like it was centuries ago at times…then again it seems like it was just yesterday.¬† I was 23 years old.¬† Had already graduated from college and was enjoying my job at Kennywood.¬† I was part of a group that worked at the Amusement Park in the offseason, wrapping things up for the current season and getting things situated for the following season.¬† We did odds and ends such as taking inventory, tagging merchandise, and restocking items.

One seemingly ordinary day, us girls were up in the gift shop in Lost Kennywood doing inventory.¬† One of my friends was upstairs folding shirts, another counting something else.¬† I was sitting outside, on a milk crate, counting key chains.¬† They¬†looked like bouncy balls, were yellow and had the trademark Kennywood arrow on them.¬† The exact item bares no significance to the days events, I just find it interesting that I can remember those details of something that occurred 10 years ago and I can’t remember if I turned my flat-iron off when I leave for work on a daily basis these days, but that’s neither here nor there.

The radio was blasting…given the time of day, had we been in the warehouse, Howard Stern¬†would have been on.¬† But I can almost guarantee that since it was just us girls in the gift shop, we probably had B94 on.¬† My friend, folding shirts upstairs yelled down that something happened in New York…we didn’t think much of it, but as she continued to listen and share and more reports kept coming over the radio, our world just STOPPED.

…TODAY…

Today I am reminded of how lucky I am to be a citizen of this great nation.  Albeit a nation that has seen such horrific tragedy, our nation came together on that day.  We came together in support, strength and prayer.  I continue to keep those whose lives were lost close to my heart, their families in my prayers.  I continue to pray for those who are haunted by their memories of that day. The heroes who risk their lives everyday to keep us safe will forever be honored.

  I am thankful for those who defend our country so that I can maintain the freedoms that make our country the land of the free and the home of the brave.

Our world stopped 10 years ago…we continue on.¬† Honor those who defend us.¬† Remember those who died for us.¬† Cherish those with us.

How were you affected?  Where were you at that very moment???

Expect the Unexpected

I know I’ve heard many a person say, “You never know what to expect”.

¬†Time and time again I’ve heard those words or uttered them myself in relation to various situations, circumstances and events.

This has always held true in my personal experiences in life so far…

Just when you think you know, you find out in reality you really have no idea…

But you see, life always has a way of changing on ya… the path in the road winding in a different direction of sorts…

Some days you’ve got your plan all set and the floor comes out from underneath you…

While other days you’re so lost you’re driving around in circles having not a clue as to which direction you should go…

You never know if what you’ve always done and what you’re used to doing is what you are meant to do…

You never know what opportunities will present or how you are to respond to them…

You may find yourself doing something you’ve always wanted to do in a way you never thought of…

You may find yourself doing something you never thought you’d be doing but loving it anyway…

Whether your dream is your journey or your journey is your dream, take hold and live it out…

Don’t limit yourself with expectations… expect anything and everything and all that lies in between.

A lot of triumphs arise in direct relation to the way you respond to life and all it throws your way.

Whatever your dream may be, live it.  

Love it.

If I’ve learned anything at all in the last two months, it is to ALWAYS expect the unexpected

It’s a little less of a shock if you prepare yourself for the best, worst and everything in between.

AND

Just roll with the punches… tomorrow IS a new day. ¬†Why not make it a good one?

Loves to my loves!

Relay for Life: Honor & Remember; Love & Belonging

official logo of the American Cancer Society R...

Image via Wikipedia

Today I’ll be spending much of my time at the local Relay for Life stretching long into the night…

Remembering those I have lost to the ugly and scary reality that is cancer.

Honoring those that have fought the good fight and prevailed over the ugly monster.

It’s a bitter-sweet celebration for me…

As I remember my step-dad, 2 uncles, and 3 friends who lost their battle… ¬†I honor an uncle, 2 aunts and 1 friend who are alive and survived. ¬†(You can read a little about some of these lovely people here.) ¬†To read a little more about remembrance, learning and growth check out my post Time + Healing = Acceptance.

Take not one moment in this life for granted.

Tell those you love, you love them often.

Remind those you appreciate, you cherish them often.

Relish in each breath you breathe on this beautiful Earth.

So I leave you with two songs… One a cover of “In My Life” by Dave Matthews and the second, “Fix You” by Coldplay.

In My Life is pretty self-explanatory… it helps me to honor and remember those in my life both in the now and those who are no longer walking alongside me. ¬†I’ve posted this song here several times, but it’s just one that I can’t live without.

The first time I heard Fix You, was at the Relay for Life in 2009 during the remembrance lap.  Completely moving and emotional moment that will forever be etched in my mind.

For any one that has fought and lost their battle to cancer… you are remembered.

For those who are survivors… warriors against the beat… I honor you.

How has cancer affected your life?  Have you lost someone close to you?  Survivor stories?

Related Links

A Book and It’s Influence

Trouble Finding the Words

Through the Looking Glass

Life is quite an adventure isn’t it?!

Some days it is a smooth sailing ride while others are up and down and all around crazy.

Writing for me has been the perfect way to document both sorts of days and every other kind in between. ¬†From milestones to heartaches to celebrations and the mundane everyday goings on, writing it out just helps…helps me to deal; helps me to remember. ¬†Some times I blog once a week; sometimes it’s twice a week; there was a time where I was posting each and every day and also a time where I only did one or two posts in an entire month.

Regardless of the frequency, I’ve shared my stories, my thoughts, my nonsense and my opinions… I’ve babbled on about my loves in the music world just as much as my loves in my family… I’ve sought encouragement and vented anger… I’ve jumped up and down in excitement in sharing some occasions with you as well. ¬†It is quite a fun ride… even if I include the crummy days, because lets face it… I am here.

Which way to go what to do?!

With all that has gone on recently such as welcoming my newest nephew into the world, attending several concerts, losing my job, breaking the nicotine habit and spending time with friends  and family I find myself reflecting on all avenues of my life thus far and the road ahead which is somewhat unknown.

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be an outside observer in your own life?  To kinda step out of your skin and take watch of your world around you.

OR

Have you ever sat back and looked over decisions you’ve made and wish that you could change the outcome? Or have you ever revisited a situation in your past that you once felt VERY strongly about and find that years later your opinion on the matter is completely opposite than your original stance was?

Those questions my friends really make me think…

It is good to revisit situations and circumstances from the past and reflect on them retrospectively; taking from each pieces and tidbits of lessons learned. Yes, the past is the past but there is ALWAYS an opportunity to learn from the past in hopes of continual growth in the future. AND there are somethings that are just better off being left in the past…

The best I can relate it is to Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass…

Looking through the glass

Alice went on a pretty incredible unknown adventure. ¬†Was she scared? ¬†unsure? ¬†a bit confused, puzzled and perplexed? ¬†Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. ¬†BUT there were signs and clues along the way. ¬†She took a leap of faith and followed those hints, unsure of where they’d lead her. ¬†It was an incredible journey. ¬†I find myself really relating to Alice these days.

So now, I sit here “looking through the glass” of my adventures so far; Adventures that have been documented through my writings here and writings I have not yet shared with you; ¬†some of which are from 10 or more years ago.

I don’t fully believe the¬†adage, “hind sight is 20/20.” ¬†As with each bump or blessing that occurs I am truly beginning to believe that EVERYTHING in life really DOES happen for a reason, even if it is not immediately in sight. Looking back on the past (places, events and people) I still don’t have clear outlooks on many situations. ¬†I’ve come to the realization as my 33rd birthday approaches next Thursday that it’s okay NOT to understand… It’s okay to NOT know the answers. ¬†THAT is the journey

Looking through the glass on the different “versions” of me that have emerged throughout the years, made visible through my writing is showing me more about myself than I thought it would. ¬†THROUGH the looking-glass I can appreciate ALL that has¬†occurred¬†and all that has changed.

I am the same person as I was some 15 years ago when I started writing… perhaps though; ¬†I am older, I am getting healthier,¬†I am a bit more seasoned, a bit wiser, and a whole lot stronger.

I am a daughter, sister, aunt, granddaughter, cousin, friend… I am a writer, crafter, music-lover looking for the right path to take… more accurately when to take that leap of faith.

In the meantime, I’ll continue taking glimpses through the looking-glass and continue on my own little nonsensical path until I find where ever it is I am meant to be.

Have you taken a glimpse lately?!

 

Trouble finding the words…

Most often, I pick up a pen and paper or start pounding away on the keyboard and let everything out.  The words seem to flow, almost to the point of overflowing.

OR….

I find “words of another” that say everything I wanna say but can’t seem to muster up on my own… whether ¬†it be through quotes, verses or music.

But, there are some times in which I am quite simply at a loss for words.

Recently, I was forced to face a situation I never thought I’d have to experience… losing my job. ¬†(Gah! ¬†I shudder when I say that…) ¬†It was a¬†surprise; It was a shock; it rocked my world.

Words ceased to exist….

In my mind I could only think… “It’s not fair.”

SINCE WHEN HAS LIFE EVER BEEN FAIR???

If life was “fair” my parents wouldn’t have lost their first child at such a young age… If life was “fair” my step-dad and many others would still be here with us not watching over from above… If life was “fair” then little girls like Caylee Anthony would still be here… If life was “fair” homelessness wouldn’t be a problem in our society¬†neither¬†would war or cancer.

I could continue to go on, but you know you’ve been there… ¬†saying that something

JUST.ISN’T.FAIR.

As of May of this year, the unemployment rate in the US is at 9.1% according to the Bureau of Labor and Statistics. ¬†Clearly, I am not alone. ¬†Yes, I lost my job… but so have many others. Some that have families to support, some that are¬†individuals such as myself.¬† The manner in which it happens is different… downsizing,¬†bankruptcy, whether the reason is true or not, or just because it’s time to move in another direction; whatever the reason, it doesn’t make it easier to hear…it doesn’t necessarily sit well.

Here’s the thing though… it’s only been a little over a week and I know that it will be ok. ¬†I am ok. ¬†I will be ok.

I was blessed to have met some amazingly wonderful people through my 8 years there.  Some phenomenal kids and families and terrific co-workers and staff; some of which that have become my friends and will continue to be a part of my life; some that will no longer be a part of my life anymore and I am ok with that too.

What I’ve lacked in words I garnered in emotions… I’ve been through the gamut a few times and back again. From anger, hurt, sadness and betrayal to contentedness, happy, jovial and just plain old okay to numb and disbelief.

Yet, words still escaped me… Trying to describe the roller coaster of emotions just wasn’t possible… at times, it’s still not. ¬†In talking with those closest to me, they too struggled to find the words… Words that would make me feel better, words of encouragement, of support and understanding, of empathy or sympathy.

Usually, I would turn to writing or listening to my music, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. ¬†Really couldn’t put my finger on any one thing that would make things seem a bit better or help me to channel all the emotions I was feeling.

There were 2 days where I listened to not one song…. I didn’t write one word….

Soooooooo….. NOT…… ME……

Until a very dear friend of mine shared this with me.

I sat at my dining room table… chatting with my friend…listening to this song… tears streaming down my face.

Really?!? ¬†Wait am I waiting for???? ¬†This is MY time…. My time to move on to BIGGER and BETTER things.

Which was something I was afraid to do;  if I was honest with myself I would have realized this much sooner.

My words slowly started to return to me…

I then received this song…

The tears began rolling down my face again as I realized these words and the words of the previous song were the exact words that I was searching for and needed to hear.

I¬†am so incredibly lucky to be surrounded by so many wonderful people… I’ve been overwhelmed with the amount of support, love, warmth, prayers, well wishes and listening ears I have been blessed with. ¬†From family and friends in the “here” world to those in my “far” world as well as my blogging friend circle, words can’t express how truly thankful I am to have you in my life. ¬†With your help, I am coming out of this a better person; you’ve helped me to find the words.

I can hold my head high knowing that I’ve done right in my life… I’ve made a difference in people’s lives… I have accomplished many things that I am proud of. ¬†This my friends has just given me a push to do even better things.

Now taking the steps to move on with my life… moving forward into new adventures that promise to be bigger and better than any I’ve ever experienced before.

I received one final song from my friend…

Upon hearing I just sat at my dining room table, shaking my head.
Now, at a loss of words because I had found my words… Or more accurately, my friend GAVE me the words. Everything that I was feeling, thinking, needed to hear and needed to be reminded of were just passed along to me by my friend.

I am reminded that while yes, this situation is not ideal, it could be worse. ¬†I do still have a roof over my head and even if I have to leave my home I do have somewhere else to go. ¬†I do have my health for the most part. ¬†I have family and friends that love me, support me and pick me up when I’m down.

I have people who listen when the words are overflowing…. I have people who love me for who I am not what I do… I have people who believe in me no matter what… I have people who care for and support me in ways that I never thought possible from all over the WORLD (for reals?!? ¬†How cool is that!?!).

I have people that GAVE me the words I was searching for… ¬†For that, I am ever so grateful.

So I am looking forward; no looking back.  The road ahead is sure to be bumpy, but I know that I have the best company at my side and in my heart,  along the way.

I don’t know just yet where I am going or what I’m going to do… (there are a couple promising prospects on the horizon my friends ūüôā ) ¬†Yet, I do know that with the support and love of those closest to me and His grace guiding me, I will come outta this on top.

Oh, Happy Day!

Today started off in the most perfect way possible!  (even if it was a little bit after 2:00 AM when I got the call, just as it is now when I am writing to you!)

You see, I generally love the 4th of July… excepting of course the year I made enemies with fireworks!

But on this July 4th, I got the best, most wonderful surprise ever imaginable!

I became an aunt for the 6th time!!!

Me & my little J-man...

At 5:23 AM this little fella joined the world at 7lbs. 11oz. and 19 inches long… the tiniest of lil sis’s boys decided he’d make his appearance in his own time, a while two weeks early!

Mommy, Daddy, biggest brother (B-Shane) and little big brother (P-Dub) are all doing well as is the newest, sweetest, most adorable little addition (J-Man).

J-Man, Me, & B-Shane

Talk about brightening some not so bright days! ¬†It was pretty much impossible to NOT smile all day, even when I for a second would think about what is not so perfect lately. ¬†(More to come on that in a later post… I promise!)

Love at first sight really does exist...

No matter how many times it happens, holding that little one for the first time…seriously it is love at first sight. ¬† So blessed to have 5 happy and healthy nephews and 1 beautiful and bubbly¬†niece.

Now, I may be a bit biased but….. he is the cutest, most adorably, handsome little man I’ve ever seen! Well, at least since P-Dub was born last year… ūüėČ

What a perfect way to celebrate July 4th… with family and friends AND my sweet little J-Man.

Many congratulations and much love to lil sis… She done good! ¬†Very proud of her…. such a tough cookie!!!

Many congratulations to bro-in-law… You make a great poppa! ¬†I know you’re getting the B-ball team all lined up!

Hugs and congrats to the biggest brother, B-Shane… You are already a fabulous big brother! ¬†You’re such a good role model for your little brothers; I just know, they’ll look up to you!

And our little P-Dub… How are you all of a sudden not a baby anymore?!? ¬†You bring smiles and laughter to everyone around you! ¬†Be nice to the baby and help mommy! ūüôā

So for now, little sis and hubby have a perfect little family… made up of all the essentials… P B & J. Isn’t that cute?! ¬†Totally unplanned too!

B-Shane, P-Dub & J-Man

Welcome to the world baby boy!  Aunt Mae loves you bunches already!!!

xoxoxo