Tag Archive | honesty

Questions for you

Are you a person of your word?

How do you react when someone’s words fail to be true?

What do you do when actions contradict what you’ve been told?

Help me out if you don’t mind… I need your feedback for a post that’s been brewing about in my noggin. Please share your thoughts and words with me. I’d love to hear your thoughts!

As always,

Megan

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Learning to Trust; Rebuilding what was

 

TRUST

–noun
1. reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
2. confident expectation of something; hope.
3. confidence in the certainty of future payment for property or goods received; credit: to sell merchandise on trust.
4. a person on whom or thing on which one relies: God is my trust.
5. the condition of one to whom something has been entrusted.
6. the obligation or responsibility imposed on a person in whom confidence or authority is placed: a position of trust.
7. charge, custody, or care: to leave valuables in someone’s trust.
 
—Synonyms
1. certainty, belief, faith. Trust, assurance, confidence  
 

Are you trustworthy?

I consider myself to be a very trusting individual…   Entrusting my thoughts, words and self to those around me is something I pride myself in.  My word is my word, my feelings are my feelings and I am just me, take it for what it’s worth. 

 As with many of you, I’ve experienced the pain and disappointment that comes along with someone who has broken your trust. Whether it be a friend, a significant other/spouse, family member or co-worker, it’s never easy.  It doesn’t hurt any less.  It does get any easier to deal with no matter how many times trust is broken.  Each leaves behind a scar where the once open wound  has long since healed, but leaves you guarded. Giving your trust to someone; entrusting your thoughts, words, emotions and self with someone you care about is no easy task. 

Confidences broken.  Infidelities.  Untruths. 

None of which are better than the other.  Each taking their toll in lives of those around me or in my own personal life.

How many of you have been lied to?  How many of you have told someone something in confidence only to find out the confidence was broken?  How many of you have been in a relationship/marriage and found out that your spouse is being unfaithful or untrustworthy?  Sadly a good many of us have experienced one, two or all three of these situations.  It saddens my heart to know that such situations occur as often as they do these days.

I’ve had friends that have been dishonest;  I’ve been in relationships where the fella’s been unfaithful or deceitful; I’ve had confidences broken with family members.  None have been easy to deal with or accept.  Each have taught me something and have helped me to grow, learning a bit more about myself and those I choose to surround myself with.

 Unfortunately, in dealing with these indiscretions I’ve had difficulty regaining my trust in those individuals, doubting, wondering and questioning all that transpires in our interactions thereafter; Many times leading to an a futile parting of ways or treading of water/walking on egg shells in future dealings.   More frustrating still is when that broken trust subsequently leads to my having trust issues with other individuals who were not even in the picture during the time the trust was broken. 

I’ve seen so many that are close to me be affected by the breaking of trust… many of which who have struggled or are struggling to repair the damage that is done.  Sometimes it is fixable if both parties are willing to put forth the effort; other times the cut is too deep to repair.  Friendships worn thin, marriages in despair, families in dispute.  None are pretty pictures.  All have a chance for healing if you put forth time, patience, honesty, understanding, committment, love and forgiveness.  

For those of you out there that are learning to trust again and longing to heal the wound that was left behind, I share these words with you as I continue to learn to trust again.  For me it’s an ongoing process… One that I’m pretty happy with if I do say so myself.  It all starts with trusting in yourself.

Time & Patience

Patience is a virtue...

Trust can be broken in a matter of seconds but regaining trust and learning to trust takes time.  Time to accept what transpired; time to focus on what needs to be addressed; time to learn how to trust again; time to process it all; time to take it all in. You may be ready to forgive and forget, but the other may not.  Just as you may not be ready to move on or move forward yet.  Patience IS a virtue.  You can’t regain trust over night… don’t give up on it; work at it and pray on it.  Be patient.

Honesty & Understanding

Honesty IS always the best policy even if you don’t like what you hear.  I would much rather someone be honest with me than tell me what they think I want to hear.  Let’s face it; the truth hurts.  It’s not always easy to hear that someone doesn’t feel the same way about you as you do them or that someone doesn’t agree with a decision you’ve made or a path you’ve chosen.  I’d rather be told the truth than some B.S. line of crap.  Seriously people, be honest.  It’s the right thing to do.  Be honest.  Also, have the decency to talk to the person.  Don’t take the easy way out.  Call them up, stop and see them.  Don’t skirt about the topic and speak to everyone else about it.  If you have a problem ADDRESS it!  Don’t avoid it.  Don’t disrespect someone’s feelings when they’re telling you how they feel or how your actions made them feel.  We are each entitled to our feelings, regardless of what your intentions were.  Your actions and words affect those you surround yourself with.  Try to be understanding of other’s thoughts and words.  TRY to understand where they are coming from.  You don’t have to agree, but try to understand.

Committment

If it’s worth fixing you’ve gotta be committed.  Committed to each other and starting new if you have to.  Be committed to yourself and what you want or need to be happy and whole.  Be committed to your spouse, friend or family member… be committed to rebuilding the bond that was broken. 

Love

love one another as I have loved you...

Really there is no greater gift than to love another… excepting being loved in return and moreover loving of yourself.  From friend, family, spouse or significant other; Loving of each other unconditionally is what makes us as a species so beautiful… We have the ability to appreciate and cherish the love of others and of ourselves.  You’ve got to love yourself fully in order to share of yourself wholly.

Forgiveness 

This is the tricky part.  If you think you can look past the infidelities, the dishonesty, the mistrust… can you forgive?  I am not asking you to forget because chances are you won’t be able to forget what transpired.  Earning back the trust of a loved one or trusting that their word is their word is up to you. 

If you’ve patience enough to work on all the above and ironed out all the wrinkles in time and mistrust, coming to an understanding of where you each stand, each being committed to starting anew and loving of each other unconditionally then to me it sounds as if you should be able to forgive.  At some point forgiveness follows trust.  Once you have regained trust in yourself and of another, you can then forgive  for their indiscretions.  Sometimes it takes forgiving of yourself for your wrong doings.  Sometimes it takes trusting yourself enough to know what’s right is right and what’s wrong is wrong.  Understanding that we are only human and we do make mistakes, some just more significant than others, is a great step to take.

FAITH

Have faith in yourself.  Have faith in those you love.  Have faith in the One above.  Have faith that good things do happen.  Have faith that marriages can last.  Have faith that a good friend will be there for you no matter what or how long it’s been.  Have faith that everything begins and ends with family.  Have faith and all will come together in the end.

 Have you had to learn to trust someone again?  What was the hardest part to deal with?

 For me I have tried on several occasions with each having different outcomes.  With some trust was rebuilt and regained while others proved to be untrustworthy time and time again.  I’m just living and learning as I go. 

This topic for this post was one of last week’s topics for the Post a Day Challenge.

…Common Ground… PART 1

There is nothing better than discovering you have common ground with someone… especially cool feeling when newly discovered common ground is established between long time friends or family or even people you have just met.

In my chosen field of employment one of the things we teach the kiddos is the “Golden Rule“… treat others the way you want to be treated. Simple, true words to believe in and live by yet a seemingly a fading trend in today’s society. At times I am astonished at the sight and sound of actions and words exchanged between individuals.  Leading by example is huge in my profession and as difficult as it can be at times, you just gotta suck it up and deal. In general, you’re going to come across people in life that you don’t see eye to eye with… the most difficult thing to do some times is to concede your thoughts and beliefs for the sake of all individuals involved.  It’s just not always about you.  Other people have feelings to…gotta take that into account in all that you and say.

But when you find people that get you and your point; what you think and believe; how you feel and what you think and better yet, they get what MAKES you feel and think that way,  the whole treating others as you want to be treated can be much easier.

believe it or not…they are out there…at times though hard to come by.  I am extremely fortunate to be surrounded with several such people in my life. Friends, family and a certain fella I’ve recently come to know…Yep, they just get me.  From finishing sentences, to reading facial expressions, to knowing that a phone call is appreciated or an “I miss you” is needed and appreciated… They’ve got it down and I’d like to think they would say the same about me.  It’s hard to explain.  Seriously, ridiculously hard to explain.  Am I going to question it?  Nope.  Am I going to go with it?  Yep. 

The break down…

Friends…

I’ve got three of those things you’d call a best friend and I thank my freakin’ lucky stars for each of them.  These three ladies are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO extremely different, yet each know ALL the ins and outs of me. They can look at me in a split second and know that I need to talk, cry, or laugh.  They could tell by the tone of my voice or the look in my eyes that somethin’ just ain’t right or that I’m so flippin’ excited that I can barely contain myself without ever having to mutter a word.   one in highschool, the other in college and the other upon moving home from Maryland.  With each there have been periods without contact but each has been a constant in this crazy roller coaster of a ride I’ve experienced for the last 32 years.  We have a mutual respect for each other.  We see eye to eye on many a things, but even if we don’t, we respect each other.  Friends like these don’t judge.  They take your for what you are…faults and all.  They understand that life and all it’s experiences can change you in ways that just cannot be explained.  We listen to each other.  We comfort each other.  We get tough with each other when the need arises.  The part that I am amazingly blessed by experiencing is knowing that no matter what… I am “surrounded” by three of the most amazing women a girl could ask for.  Amazingly beautiful, strong, dependable, and determined women.  Three women who have my uttermost respect for staying true to themselves as well as me throughout some of the absolute TOUGHEST experiences I have been through, knowing that I would do the same in a heart beat. Always there.  Day or night, as cliché as that sounds…it is the truth.   In one way or another common ground was established long ago with each of these ladies.  Common ground being, respect, understanding, dependability, loyalty, and love.  Seriously, one would think these qualities would be common sense when labeling people as “friends,” but common ground can be difficult to find…Surround yourself with good people; great friends…True friends.

              As I’ve gotten older….

Some friendships come and go.  People change. Sometimes friendships end because of changes.  Life is life.  You can’t hold regret for things that happened in the past.  I am thankful for the many I have considered as friends in the past but have lost touch with.  Time, circumstances and situations change…people change. There are some friendships that just can’t hang in there…not for lack of trying, but just out of the sheer fact that people change.  Sometimes for the better, sometimes not.  A friendship is similar to a relationship…it takes work.  Not the kind that exhausts you and leaves you high and dry, burned in the end.  Working at a friendship should be easy; especially if common ground has been established.  But even still life has a way of throwing curve balls…not everything ends happily.  It is what it is…I am ok with that. It doesn’t diminish the importance of any of those friendships.  Each of you have played a significant role in helping me get to this point in my life…so THANKS.

Part 2 soon to follow… FAMILY