You know that feeling of exposing yourself? Sharing of vulnerabilities… weaknesses…insecurities…
I’ve got ’em. Too many to count at times! Pretty sure most of you have had them at one time or another too.
Here’s the thing about insecurities…
*** you can either hide them or you can’t***
***you can let them define you or not***
I’ve been very aware of my insecurities for as long as I can remember…which I guess can also be tied into the WORRYING I have gotten so good at perfecting. I’ve accepted the fact that I am a worrier and have these insecurities. Some however just don’t seem to get it. Seriously, unless you’re a worrier, you probably wont understand to the same degree.
The extremely frustrating aspect of insecurity is that it can interfere with your life…interfering with your actions, words, emotions and choices.
I know there have been MANY times that my insecurities have had a direct effect on various aspects of my life.
- Whether my writing or other crafty ventures, sharing my “work” was not always quite so easy for me…Still not at times. The fear of it not being good enough or that others would think differently of it than I intended was enough for me NOT to share it. I’ve always been extremely hard on myself. My own approval is at times more trying to ascertain than that of others. If I don’t think it’s just right, it’s not worth it. The constant desire to have my work be liked by all drove me NOT to share it at all for a very long time. At some point within the last year I came to accept the points that a.) not everyone is going to like my “work” and b.) that just because I don’t think it is outstanding doesn’t mean that someone else won’t. There came a point sometime in the last year, that I let my “ego” go and took a chance at exposing my work and letting my vulnerabilities become visible. Somehow sharing my work with others has helped me move past SOME of the insecurities I once associated with perfecting my craft. Remembering that there is no such thing as perfect. Writing is a process in creating a piece and also the processing of the information there within. Whomever reads it is entitled to get out of it what they will.
As for my other crafty avenue, framed home decor designs…each piece will find a home eventually. If it’s not my favorite it may become someone elses or on the contrary, my favorite may remain just that. My point to this section is this…LETTING go of the worry that “it won’t be liked” does wonders for the soul. So long as I am writing and creating things that’s what matters. Not letting the worry of reactions of others consume me and fuel my creativity processes is key…Sharing of myself in whatever way possible is the end goal I must keep in mind.
- Relationships have MOST DEFINITELY been affected by my insecurities. Whose haven’t? Where do those insecurities come from? Well, quite honestly for me, it’s past relationships. Again, remember, I AM THE WORRIER. If something or someone seems just a teeny, tiny little bit off on any given day, I am SURE that something is wrong…I DID or SAID SOMETHING wrong. Seriously, not that the person could just have a bad day. Nope, not at all. I did something. Well, in all seriousness. the mind… my mind that is, can be a DANGEROUS thing. When in a relationship, trust is key. Mutual respect and honor are HUGE. THe problem lies in the fact that I have been burned ten times too many.
I always find myself asking others… Are you okay? Are you sure you’re alright? Are we ok? Ya, those questions can wear on a person. Asking them 30 times after they’ve already assured you that everything is alright, isn’t going to work in my favor. Taking a deep breath and relaxing may just do the trick. I’m still working on it.
I’ve had relationships end for any number of reasons…dishonesty, lack of mutual respect/feelings, distance, different places in life… Each having ended has affected me in one way or another. Try as I might, I swear I will not dwell in the past when it comes to relationships. And I think I can do a very good job of that. The problem here is that I was AFFECTED by these people and the course of our relationships. Having been cheated on, trust becomes an issue.
Having been in a relationship with someone that did not share feelings, communication and emotions become issues. Having been in several relationships where I was NOT a priority adds a whole plethora of worry to the situation. Each situation stirring very real emotions and feelings in their own right. Trying NOT to let those issues of past relationships affect a newer relationship is CrAzY difficult. Attempting to leave those past issues behind… where they BELONG… in the past is a bit more difficult than I care to admit at times.
- WORDS… or lack there of. I have a HUGE tendency to read in to EVERYTHING. From friends to family to relationships to co-workers. Whether it is a look, a comment, a conversation or lack there of, I find myself looking into it way more than necessary. While there are times that people can be elusive in there use of words and/or actions, but most often they are what they are. There is not ALWAYS a deeper meaning or hidden representation. Instead of taking someone at their word, I’ll question it to myself. QUestion the tone of a voice or the actions of another in a heartbeat. Is that fair? NOPE. Most often it is not. Someone says they miss you… take it for what it’s worth. Someone says they’re tired…take it for what it’s worth. Again, THERE ISN’T ALWAYS a more thorough explanation needed even if I think there is or should be.
- Confidence: Ya, this is a touchy subject as it is for many of us out there. There are days you feel good about yourself and then others there is just no hope. Being comfortable with appearance can be quite the challenge. Learning to accept yourself for who you are and what you are, is so very important. There have been others in the past that have caused me to doubt and lack acceptance of myself from head to toe. I have a horrendous problem taking compliments from individuals from time to time. Constantly putting yourself down to others is not going to leave the best impression. Most people want to surround themselves with relatively positive people and showing that you’re uncomfortable within your own skin is going to put up a barrier. Boo hooing about it is gonna do you no good. Taking control of the situation will. Finding someone who appreciates you for who you are as you are is incredibly important.
My goal is to become overall, more confident in myself. Talents, loves, family and the like will benefit exponentially better once you let go of some of the baggage and JUST BE.
Trying not to second guess yourself and to be confident in YOUR choices is a great path to partake it. NOT letting securities enter into the grand scheme of things will improve your outlook in more ways than you can imagine. Staying positive and looking PAST insecurities will only allow you to better yourself…be more confident and feel comfortable within the little pocket of the Earth you inhabit.
Letting go of insecurities is difficult. It can be challenging. The cool thing is that you have a choice here. You can either dwell on the past OR choose to make a change. Work on worrying less. Work on finding your niche in the world. Let your worries slip away. Again, there is much you can’t control. Getting rid of the insecurities is an ongoing process. I can deal with that and accept that.
I will not let my insecurities interfere with the letting go process. Making a conscious effort to just be me. Insecurities and all. Pretty proud of where I am. Looking ahead to where I’ll end up and who will be by my side in the end.