Tag Archive | marriage

“Say Anything” – Movie Style, Thursday Throwback

Movie: Say Anything 

Song: In Your Eyes

Artist: Peter Gabriel

Album: So

Changed it up a tiny bit in choosing a movie for the Thursday Throwback this week….mainly because of a SONG in the movie! 

Just upon my saying the name of the movie, you can envision the scene.  The scene that makes the movie…   John Cusack’s character, Lloyd Dobler holding a boombox overhead, blaring “In Your Eyes” outside of Diane Court’s house. 

guy after a gal's heart....

Admit it ladies….

How many of you thought that was the sweetest thing ever?  I know I sure did!  I’d probably fall over flat on my face if my mister ever did that for me… cheesy or not, I’d take it in a heart beat!  I’m a cheesy romantic at heart… what can I say???

The overall premise of the movie is just sweet too… average boy chasing after an intelligent daddy’s girl.  Him seeking advice from his sister and girl friends.  Both trying to decide what they’re doing and where they’re going after graduation.  I just find the whole thing endearing. 

Some of my favorite quotes from the movie… and what I took from them…

 “One question: do you need… someone, or do you need me?… Forget it, I don’t really care.” – Lloyd  

Have you ever REALLY asked yourself that when in a relationship??? I have… If you answer that you need “someone” you’re not in the relationship with the right person.   I want to need that special person, not just anybody to fill a void.  When it’s right it will be right.

 “Why can’t you be in a good mood? How hard is it to decide to be in a good mood and be in a good mood once in a while?” – Lloyd

Sometimes being in a good mood, can be tricky!  It takes effort to pull yourself up and outta the dumps sometimes… Looking on the sunny side when things seem dreary is a CHOICE; one that we all have the ability to make, if we are willing to step up to the challenge.

“I don’t want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don’t want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don’t want to do that.” 

This sooooooo reminds me of where I was at upon entering my undergraduate work at Edinboro.  One minute I thought I wanted to be an accountant after having always thought I’d go in to education.  Then I toyed with the idea of social work, followed quickly by psychology…only to end up in none other than EDUCATION.  Go figure.  It’s so hard to know what you want to do with your life when you’ve just become an “adult.”  Here I am at age 32 and still don’t know EXACTLY what I want to do with my life… I mean I have ideas and goals, but I’m not COMPLETELY in charge of what goes on here.  I’ve got a little help from Someone else.  Just sayin’. 

In all of the glorious cheesiness that is 80’s pop culture, from the names of the characters to the songs and even the plot, Say Anything is an absolute winner in my book.

BUT THE SONG…. In Your Eyes is just completely beautiful… I WANT to feel this way about the man I marry… I want him to feel the same about me.

“in your eyes
the light the heat
in your eyes
I am complete
in your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
in your eyes
the resolution of all the fruitless searches
in your eyes
I see the light and the heat
in your eyes
oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light
the heat I see in your eyes”

That may make me a dreamer… that may make me naive…

I will say that it makes me hopeful.  Hopeful that two people can find each other… love each other and fight for each other. 

There… that’s it; you’ve suffered through enough of my cheesy smorgasbord!

I don’t blame ya if you never came back after suffering through such a huge heap of romantic blubbering!  I just can’t help it!

I’m a romantic at heart…. All was have been.  Always will be.

Learning to Trust; Rebuilding what was

 

TRUST

–noun
1. reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
2. confident expectation of something; hope.
3. confidence in the certainty of future payment for property or goods received; credit: to sell merchandise on trust.
4. a person on whom or thing on which one relies: God is my trust.
5. the condition of one to whom something has been entrusted.
6. the obligation or responsibility imposed on a person in whom confidence or authority is placed: a position of trust.
7. charge, custody, or care: to leave valuables in someone’s trust.
 
—Synonyms
1. certainty, belief, faith. Trust, assurance, confidence  
 

Are you trustworthy?

I consider myself to be a very trusting individual…   Entrusting my thoughts, words and self to those around me is something I pride myself in.  My word is my word, my feelings are my feelings and I am just me, take it for what it’s worth. 

 As with many of you, I’ve experienced the pain and disappointment that comes along with someone who has broken your trust. Whether it be a friend, a significant other/spouse, family member or co-worker, it’s never easy.  It doesn’t hurt any less.  It does get any easier to deal with no matter how many times trust is broken.  Each leaves behind a scar where the once open wound  has long since healed, but leaves you guarded. Giving your trust to someone; entrusting your thoughts, words, emotions and self with someone you care about is no easy task. 

Confidences broken.  Infidelities.  Untruths. 

None of which are better than the other.  Each taking their toll in lives of those around me or in my own personal life.

How many of you have been lied to?  How many of you have told someone something in confidence only to find out the confidence was broken?  How many of you have been in a relationship/marriage and found out that your spouse is being unfaithful or untrustworthy?  Sadly a good many of us have experienced one, two or all three of these situations.  It saddens my heart to know that such situations occur as often as they do these days.

I’ve had friends that have been dishonest;  I’ve been in relationships where the fella’s been unfaithful or deceitful; I’ve had confidences broken with family members.  None have been easy to deal with or accept.  Each have taught me something and have helped me to grow, learning a bit more about myself and those I choose to surround myself with.

 Unfortunately, in dealing with these indiscretions I’ve had difficulty regaining my trust in those individuals, doubting, wondering and questioning all that transpires in our interactions thereafter; Many times leading to an a futile parting of ways or treading of water/walking on egg shells in future dealings.   More frustrating still is when that broken trust subsequently leads to my having trust issues with other individuals who were not even in the picture during the time the trust was broken. 

I’ve seen so many that are close to me be affected by the breaking of trust… many of which who have struggled or are struggling to repair the damage that is done.  Sometimes it is fixable if both parties are willing to put forth the effort; other times the cut is too deep to repair.  Friendships worn thin, marriages in despair, families in dispute.  None are pretty pictures.  All have a chance for healing if you put forth time, patience, honesty, understanding, committment, love and forgiveness.  

For those of you out there that are learning to trust again and longing to heal the wound that was left behind, I share these words with you as I continue to learn to trust again.  For me it’s an ongoing process… One that I’m pretty happy with if I do say so myself.  It all starts with trusting in yourself.

Time & Patience

Patience is a virtue...

Trust can be broken in a matter of seconds but regaining trust and learning to trust takes time.  Time to accept what transpired; time to focus on what needs to be addressed; time to learn how to trust again; time to process it all; time to take it all in. You may be ready to forgive and forget, but the other may not.  Just as you may not be ready to move on or move forward yet.  Patience IS a virtue.  You can’t regain trust over night… don’t give up on it; work at it and pray on it.  Be patient.

Honesty & Understanding

Honesty IS always the best policy even if you don’t like what you hear.  I would much rather someone be honest with me than tell me what they think I want to hear.  Let’s face it; the truth hurts.  It’s not always easy to hear that someone doesn’t feel the same way about you as you do them or that someone doesn’t agree with a decision you’ve made or a path you’ve chosen.  I’d rather be told the truth than some B.S. line of crap.  Seriously people, be honest.  It’s the right thing to do.  Be honest.  Also, have the decency to talk to the person.  Don’t take the easy way out.  Call them up, stop and see them.  Don’t skirt about the topic and speak to everyone else about it.  If you have a problem ADDRESS it!  Don’t avoid it.  Don’t disrespect someone’s feelings when they’re telling you how they feel or how your actions made them feel.  We are each entitled to our feelings, regardless of what your intentions were.  Your actions and words affect those you surround yourself with.  Try to be understanding of other’s thoughts and words.  TRY to understand where they are coming from.  You don’t have to agree, but try to understand.

Committment

If it’s worth fixing you’ve gotta be committed.  Committed to each other and starting new if you have to.  Be committed to yourself and what you want or need to be happy and whole.  Be committed to your spouse, friend or family member… be committed to rebuilding the bond that was broken. 

Love

love one another as I have loved you...

Really there is no greater gift than to love another… excepting being loved in return and moreover loving of yourself.  From friend, family, spouse or significant other; Loving of each other unconditionally is what makes us as a species so beautiful… We have the ability to appreciate and cherish the love of others and of ourselves.  You’ve got to love yourself fully in order to share of yourself wholly.

Forgiveness 

This is the tricky part.  If you think you can look past the infidelities, the dishonesty, the mistrust… can you forgive?  I am not asking you to forget because chances are you won’t be able to forget what transpired.  Earning back the trust of a loved one or trusting that their word is their word is up to you. 

If you’ve patience enough to work on all the above and ironed out all the wrinkles in time and mistrust, coming to an understanding of where you each stand, each being committed to starting anew and loving of each other unconditionally then to me it sounds as if you should be able to forgive.  At some point forgiveness follows trust.  Once you have regained trust in yourself and of another, you can then forgive  for their indiscretions.  Sometimes it takes forgiving of yourself for your wrong doings.  Sometimes it takes trusting yourself enough to know what’s right is right and what’s wrong is wrong.  Understanding that we are only human and we do make mistakes, some just more significant than others, is a great step to take.

FAITH

Have faith in yourself.  Have faith in those you love.  Have faith in the One above.  Have faith that good things do happen.  Have faith that marriages can last.  Have faith that a good friend will be there for you no matter what or how long it’s been.  Have faith that everything begins and ends with family.  Have faith and all will come together in the end.

 Have you had to learn to trust someone again?  What was the hardest part to deal with?

 For me I have tried on several occasions with each having different outcomes.  With some trust was rebuilt and regained while others proved to be untrustworthy time and time again.  I’m just living and learning as I go. 

This topic for this post was one of last week’s topics for the Post a Day Challenge.

Wrong Turn…

For those that know me…. I mean really know me it’s safe to say you’ve heard me say this at one time or another…

I still believe my prince charming is out there… he must have taken a wrong turn & got lost trying to find me.

Seriously!

I’ve had relationships come & go over the years… some more significant than others.

I’ve learned a good bit about myself in the process … learning also what I want/don’t want in the man who is LUCKY enough to spend the rest of his life with me.

I’ve had the pleasure of meeting some really great fellas over the years who just weren’t right for me… I have also met some fellas that talk a good talk then fall flat on their face when it comes time to walk the walk… then there’s the fellas (it pains me to use such a polite word) that are just flat out dogs in the end.

We’ve met in college, at work, through mutual friends blind dates, AND (dare I say it) an online dating site. *SIDE NOTE* the last was #3 in Never Say Never which needless to say didn’t pan out as I hoped at the time.

Through all of it though I have learned. I’ve picked up little pieces from each… pieces that have helped me to decide what I want and what I don’t want.

a new design from this weekend...

Honestly I don’t ask for much… not asking for the Eiffel Tower to be brought to me or anything like that!

A few weeks ago, I had dinner with one of my girl friends where our discussion centered around men. Troubles we’ve had. Fun we’ve had. Worries, bad luck, mixed signals, sweet moments, desires, etc. Girl talk to the max.

She sent me a message earlier today & in my responding to her I really got to thinking about what I want… what I deserve… in terms of a man.

So here it goes..

WANTED:

SINGLE male …

… whose words & actions are honest, true and sincere. Speak truthfully. Act honestly. Love wholly. Don’t say or do things you don’t mean. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

Family must be important to you… yours, mine and ours. No one side of family to be more important than the other excepting the one we have together. Time will be spent together & at least attempt to be enjoyed 😉

Must work but not live at work. Job stability and loving your job are super important, but there is life outside of work; living it and loving it with someone is more important than work consuming you.

Similar interests must apply… (or at least respect mine enough to share in my excitement). Music is a must… gotta at least like it a little bit and enjoy catching a live show now and again. Reading is a bonus. I like a good movie or playing a game every now & again but movie obsessed, video game crazed fellas need not apply.

Must love staying in just as much as getting out and about. Date nights apply for the duration! Everyone needs a date night no matter how long you’ve been together. I love hearing my married or “spoken-for” girl friends say they’re having date night ( the catch is the date ia WITH their spouse/boyfriend/fiancée ).

not asking for much fellas....

Be comfortable in yourself to share with me. Share your thoughts, time, love. Be a gentleman… a true GENTLE man that knows when a gal needs the gentle man to step up & the manly man to step back.

Respect me, my thoughts, my beliefs as I will do the same for you You don’t have to agree but understanding and respecting them & in turn me is golden.

There you have it… like I said, not asking much right? 😉

Just a few “mister must-haves” I’ve picked up along the way. Pretty sure I could add a bunch more, but you get my point.

Basically what I’m trying to say is simple. THE GOLDEN RULE. I treat others the way I want to be treated and ask that the man does the same.

I do not need a fella in my life to be happy. I’m already a happy girl.

I want a fella that will be an addition to my happiness.

Until then … if you run into my Prince Charming, could ya please buy him a Garmin so he’d find his way? Help a sister out will ya? Just saying! 😉

***disclaimer***
Try as i might… I know I am mot perfect… just a work in progress.

Insecurities…

You know that feeling of exposing yourself?  Sharing of vulnerabilities… weaknesses…insecurities…

I’ve got ’em. Too many to count at times! Pretty sure most of you have had them at one time or another too.

Here’s the thing about insecurities…
*** you can either hide them or you can’t***

***you can let them define you or not***

I’ve been very aware of my insecurities for as long as I can remember…which I guess can also be tied into the WORRYING I have gotten so good at perfecting. I’ve accepted the fact that I am a worrier and have these insecurities. Some however just don’t seem to get it. Seriously, unless you’re a worrier, you probably wont understand to the same degree.

The extremely frustrating aspect of insecurity is that it can interfere with your life…interfering with your actions, words, emotions and choices.

I know there have been MANY times that my insecurities have had a direct effect on various aspects of my life.

EXAMPLES…

  • Whether my writing or other crafty ventures, sharing my “work” was not always quite so easy for me…Still not at times.  The fear of it not being good enough or that others would think differently of it than I intended was enough for me NOT to share it.  I’ve always been extremely hard on myself.  My own approval is at times more trying to ascertain than that of others.  If I don’t think it’s just right, it’s not worth it.  The constant desire to have my work be liked by all drove me NOT to share it at all for a very long time.  At some point within the last year I came to accept the points that a.) not everyone is going to like my “work” and b.) that just because I don’t think it is outstanding doesn’t mean that someone else won’t.  There came a point sometime in the last year, that I let my “ego” go and took a chance at exposing my work and letting my vulnerabilities become visible.  Somehow sharing my work with others has helped me move past SOME of the insecurities I once associated with perfecting my craft.  Remembering that there is no such thing as perfect.  Writing is a process in creating a piece and also the processing of the information there within.  Whomever reads it is entitled to get out of it what they will. 

            As for my other crafty avenue, framed home decor designs…each piece will find a home eventually.  If it’s not my favorite it may become someone elses or on the contrary, my favorite may remain just that.  My point to this section is this…LETTING go  of the worry that “it won’t be liked” does wonders for the soul.  So long as I am writing and creating things that’s what matters.  Not letting the worry of reactions of others consume me and fuel my creativity processes is key…Sharing of myself in whatever way possible is the end goal I must keep in mind.  

  • Relationships have MOST DEFINITELY been affected by my insecurities.  Whose haven’t?  Where do those insecurities come from?  Well, quite honestly for me, it’s past relationships.  Again, remember, I AM THE WORRIER.  If something or someone seems just a teeny, tiny little bit off on any given day, I am SURE that something is wrong…I DID or SAID SOMETHING   wrong.  Seriously, not that the person could just have a bad day.  Nope, not at all.  I did something.  Well, in all seriousness. the mind… my mind that is, can be a DANGEROUS thing.  When in a relationship, trust is key.  Mutual respect and honor are HUGE.  THe problem lies in the fact that I have been burned ten times too many. 

I always find myself asking others… Are you okay?  Are you sure you’re alright?  Are we ok?  Ya, those questions can wear on a person.  Asking them 30 times after they’ve already assured you that everything is alright, isn’t going to work in my favor.  Taking a deep breath and relaxing may just do the trick.  I’m still working on it.

I’ve had relationships end for any number of reasons…dishonesty, lack of mutual respect/feelings, distance, different places in life… Each having ended has affected me in one way or another.  Try as I might, I swear I will not dwell in the past when it comes to relationships.  And I think I can do a very good job of that.  The problem here is that I was AFFECTED by these people and the course of our relationships.  Having been cheated on, trust becomes an issue. 

Having been in a relationship with someone that did not share feelings, communication and emotions become issues.  Having been in several relationships where I was NOT a priority adds a whole plethora of worry to the situation.  Each situation stirring very real emotions and feelings in their own right.  Trying NOT to let those issues of past relationships affect a newer relationship is CrAzY difficult.  Attempting to leave those past issues behind… where they BELONG… in the past is a bit more difficult than I care to admit at times. 

  • WORDS… or lack there of.  I have a HUGE tendency to read in to EVERYTHING.  From friends to family to relationships to co-workers.  Whether it is a look, a comment, a conversation or lack there of, I find myself looking into it way more than necessary.  While there are times that people can be elusive in there use of words and/or actions, but most often they are what they are.  There is not ALWAYS a deeper meaning or hidden representation.  Instead of taking someone at their word, I’ll question it to myself. QUestion the tone of a voice or the actions of another in a heartbeat.  Is that fair?  NOPE.  Most often it is not.  Someone says they miss you… take it for what it’s worth.  Someone says they’re tired…take it for what it’s worth.  Again, THERE ISN’T ALWAYS a more thorough explanation needed even if I think there is or should be.

 

  • Confidence:  Ya, this is a touchy subject as it is for many of us out there.  There are days you feel good about yourself and then others there is just no hope.  Being comfortable with appearance can be quite the challenge.  Learning to accept yourself for who you are and what you are, is so very important.  There have been others in the past that have caused me to doubt and lack acceptance of myself from head to toe.  I have a horrendous problem taking compliments from individuals from time to time.  Constantly putting yourself down to others is not going to leave the best impression.  Most people want to surround themselves with relatively positive people and showing that you’re uncomfortable within your own skin is going to put up a barrier.  Boo hooing about it is gonna do you no good.  Taking control of the situation will.  Finding someone who appreciates you for who you are as you are is incredibly important. 

My goal is to become overall, more confident in myself.  Talents, loves, family and the like will benefit exponentially better once you let go of some of the baggage and JUST BE. 

Trying not to second guess yourself and to be confident in YOUR choices is a great path to partake it.  NOT letting securities enter into the grand scheme of things will improve your outlook in more ways than you can imagine.  Staying positive and looking PAST insecurities will only allow you to better yourself…be more confident and feel comfortable within the little pocket of the Earth you inhabit. 

Letting go of insecurities is difficult.  It can be challenging.  The cool thing is that you have a choice here.  You can either dwell on the past OR choose to make a change.  Work on worrying less.  Work on finding your niche in the world.  Let your worries slip away.  Again, there is much you can’t control.  Getting rid of the insecurities is an ongoing process.  I can deal with that and accept that. 

I will not let my insecurities interfere with the letting go process.  Making a conscious effort to just be me.  Insecurities and all.  Pretty proud of where I am.  Looking ahead to where I’ll end up and who will be by my side in the end.

…Common Ground… PART 2

 

Family…

You know the saying, “You can choose your friends but you can’t choose your family”… I LOVE it.  Why, you may ask?  Family is what life is about.  As I have shared in previous posts, my family is BIG due to divorce and remarriages and what not.  Would I want it any other way?  ABSOLUTELY not!  I’ve got more cousins than I can even begin to count (about 27 including spouses, give or take a couple).  I had more grandmas than I ever thought possible.  With such a large family, there’s a lot than go wrong with the combining of so many different personalities and beliefs…BUT the cool thing is, you’ve got that many more people that care about you and would stick their neck out for ya in a heartbeat.  And in a family such as mine, having experienced more heartache through deaths in the last 10 years than I ever thought imaginable, we’ve been given opportunity after opportunity to prove or disprove our closeness. Happily I can say that even though the boat can get rocked at times, with feelings being hurt during sensitive times and situations, we remain an extremely large and closely bonded family.

Somehow in the mix of the family I ended up being the middle child… Hmmm… Not sure how I feel about that in a stereotypical sense so to speak.  I would have to say I don’t fit that mold at all.  Perhaps it is because my role was assumed after divorces and remarriages.    Do I wish I had a close bond to all of ’em ?  For sure; but here’s the thing.  Life, distance and circumstances sometimes tend to get in the way.   

My sisters and I are close… yes, I said it… We are close.  It may not have always been that way at one time or another…We may not talk for a week or 2 but that sisterly love runs very deep.  Are all 3 of us exactly alike?  Ummmmm, ya.  That’s a big at NO! But that’s what’s so cool.  My little sister and I couldn’t be more different but that doesn’t change the fact that I would do anything for her.  Including her homework in 3rd grade and dressing her so she wouldn’t get in trouble for not being ready when we were kids. My “step” sister and I share ALOT of similar character traits and our careers.    They bond over certain situations and circumstances while I have all together different bonds with each of them individually.

The little brother is a whole other story.  I don’t think I was ever more excited than when I found out that I was going to be a big sister.  That is excepting the days when I watched him graduate highschool and also when I found out he was getting offers for grad school.  One smart cookie that little brother is.  We’ve got lots in common as well,  from music to personality traits. Jokingly we always say that the little bro got the best combination of personality traits from my sister and I. 

My “Step” brother and I don’t get to see or talk to each other often… It’s definitely been a long time, but I have some really good memories of having gone down to visit him when my nephew was born. He’s definitely a phenomenal and proud papa to his son.  I hope that the father of my children shares an ounce of the same pride he takes in being a father.

I really try to think about each of my cousins individually  and think about what makes MY relationship with them so unique.  With each there is something special that just “CLICKS” … something different for every single one.  Whether it’s a specific memory shared, tough moments shared when a loved one was lost, common interests such as crafting, scrapbooking, music or cooking or just their individual ability to “GET” me without having to say anything.

All time with the family is the BEST.  Especially as we’ve grown older and have responsibilities and families and what not.  What little time we do get to spend together is held more closely to the heart and cherished all the more. From having cousins come visit and stay to games nights to cousin nights out or annual Kennywood trips as we’ve gotten older.

Family dynamics allow you to find common ground on many different levels.  Common ground isn’t always a given in families…Blood doesn’t always create the common ground one would think.  It takes work, love and understanding to find it and maintain it.  My family gives me a lot to be proud of and to be thankful for on a daily basis.  Gotta take a moment or two every day to be thankful for each and every moment shared… every little piece of common ground discovered. 

PART 3 to follow…

…Common Ground… PART 1

There is nothing better than discovering you have common ground with someone… especially cool feeling when newly discovered common ground is established between long time friends or family or even people you have just met.

In my chosen field of employment one of the things we teach the kiddos is the “Golden Rule“… treat others the way you want to be treated. Simple, true words to believe in and live by yet a seemingly a fading trend in today’s society. At times I am astonished at the sight and sound of actions and words exchanged between individuals.  Leading by example is huge in my profession and as difficult as it can be at times, you just gotta suck it up and deal. In general, you’re going to come across people in life that you don’t see eye to eye with… the most difficult thing to do some times is to concede your thoughts and beliefs for the sake of all individuals involved.  It’s just not always about you.  Other people have feelings to…gotta take that into account in all that you and say.

But when you find people that get you and your point; what you think and believe; how you feel and what you think and better yet, they get what MAKES you feel and think that way,  the whole treating others as you want to be treated can be much easier.

believe it or not…they are out there…at times though hard to come by.  I am extremely fortunate to be surrounded with several such people in my life. Friends, family and a certain fella I’ve recently come to know…Yep, they just get me.  From finishing sentences, to reading facial expressions, to knowing that a phone call is appreciated or an “I miss you” is needed and appreciated… They’ve got it down and I’d like to think they would say the same about me.  It’s hard to explain.  Seriously, ridiculously hard to explain.  Am I going to question it?  Nope.  Am I going to go with it?  Yep. 

The break down…

Friends…

I’ve got three of those things you’d call a best friend and I thank my freakin’ lucky stars for each of them.  These three ladies are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO extremely different, yet each know ALL the ins and outs of me. They can look at me in a split second and know that I need to talk, cry, or laugh.  They could tell by the tone of my voice or the look in my eyes that somethin’ just ain’t right or that I’m so flippin’ excited that I can barely contain myself without ever having to mutter a word.   one in highschool, the other in college and the other upon moving home from Maryland.  With each there have been periods without contact but each has been a constant in this crazy roller coaster of a ride I’ve experienced for the last 32 years.  We have a mutual respect for each other.  We see eye to eye on many a things, but even if we don’t, we respect each other.  Friends like these don’t judge.  They take your for what you are…faults and all.  They understand that life and all it’s experiences can change you in ways that just cannot be explained.  We listen to each other.  We comfort each other.  We get tough with each other when the need arises.  The part that I am amazingly blessed by experiencing is knowing that no matter what… I am “surrounded” by three of the most amazing women a girl could ask for.  Amazingly beautiful, strong, dependable, and determined women.  Three women who have my uttermost respect for staying true to themselves as well as me throughout some of the absolute TOUGHEST experiences I have been through, knowing that I would do the same in a heart beat. Always there.  Day or night, as cliché as that sounds…it is the truth.   In one way or another common ground was established long ago with each of these ladies.  Common ground being, respect, understanding, dependability, loyalty, and love.  Seriously, one would think these qualities would be common sense when labeling people as “friends,” but common ground can be difficult to find…Surround yourself with good people; great friends…True friends.

              As I’ve gotten older….

Some friendships come and go.  People change. Sometimes friendships end because of changes.  Life is life.  You can’t hold regret for things that happened in the past.  I am thankful for the many I have considered as friends in the past but have lost touch with.  Time, circumstances and situations change…people change. There are some friendships that just can’t hang in there…not for lack of trying, but just out of the sheer fact that people change.  Sometimes for the better, sometimes not.  A friendship is similar to a relationship…it takes work.  Not the kind that exhausts you and leaves you high and dry, burned in the end.  Working at a friendship should be easy; especially if common ground has been established.  But even still life has a way of throwing curve balls…not everything ends happily.  It is what it is…I am ok with that. It doesn’t diminish the importance of any of those friendships.  Each of you have played a significant role in helping me get to this point in my life…so THANKS.

Part 2 soon to follow… FAMILY

…Expectations…

Everyone has them. 

For themselves…

for others…

 

Have you ever really sat back and thought about it….

I hold high expectations for myself in all areas of my life.  I generally have thought this a good thing; an asset; a bonus. 

…My Expectations…

Happiness:  overall general happiness in all areas of life.  Have to get myself in the right mindset.  Just BE happy.  No need to put stipulations on happiness or deadlines.

Perfection:  I strive to be as close to my perception of perfect in all that I do; almost to a fault as told to me by a very dear friend.  Whether it is home décor, appearance, performance or goals… the expectation for having things just right all the time only sets oneself up for failure.  I expect great things of myself and without the high expectation for near perfection I am not happy.  What is perfect any way???

The man: At one time, I thought I HAD to have a man in my life to be happy…

            Let me clarify; not just any man, THE MAN.  The one that I knew for sure I would spend the rest of my life with and have the picket fence, 3 kids, yada, yada, yada… That image, stemming from THE LIST (topic of a previous post).

We all know THE MAN has yet to make an appearance in my life.  That is a-okay, simply because I know, deep in my heart that he is out there… My expectations are simple. 

                    1. Honesty, 2. Faith, 3. Respect, 4.Love, 5. Trust…   

Anything above and beyond that borders along near perfection.  My overall happiness in life and with myself is more important than THE MAN.  The man will come along in time; all in due time. If he is the right one, happiness…

Friends: Expectations of loyalty, dependability, camaraderie…laughter, tears, silence and endless talks.  True friends are there for you through all stages of life…Even when things are strained or distance separates, at the drop of a hat all you need to do is pick up the line, knowing they are there for you.

this is tricky.  I’ve had friends come and go over the years.  Some I am sure will tell you that I did or said something or I changed; I’m not denying any of that.  My problem with this is…People change; you experience things in life that change you.  Regardless, your friends should be there for you.  THROUGH IT ALL.  Real friends do…stick with ya through the toughest of times and are still there to pick up the pieces or celebrate the successes. 

Family:  Same characteristics as friends the main difference being you don’t choose your family.  Family too can be tricky…You get 30 people together and there are bound to be differences in opinions, upbringings, feelings and emotions.   lines of communication need to be open and a willingness to listen and give respect. 

To me, family is not solely determined by blood.  I have 4 siblings thanks to marriage, divorce and remarriage.  To be quite honest I am very thankful for that. Got some majorly kick-ass sisters outta that whole deal as well as brothers.  While there may only be “half-blood” or no blood at all… I am very happy to be the middle child of our mixed up brood. The funny thing is, I find myself to be the most like my older sister and my younger brother.  I’m a good mix of the both of them and they aren’t related at all; their only common thread is me. 

Anyhow…my expectations as far as family is concerned are LOVE, Patience, and loyalty.  I don’t get to see a lot of my family very often.  The majority of my cousins are all over the freakin’ place.  Honest to God, I could plan a cross-country trip to try and visit everyone.  No matter the distance or frequency of visits, their love is known.  Even if the visit is only one day out of 365, the time is cherished and remembered.

Expectations are tricky. 

 Are they necessary evils?  At times they sure could be. Trying not to let expectations or the LIST define me, but expectations and standards are necessary.  Life is what you make of it; you open doors; make choices and take chances.

 

Live up to your expectations…

Live, breathe, laugh, cry, love, believe, hope. 

 

  Without expectations where would you be going?