Tag Archive | words

Trouble finding the words…

Most often, I pick up a pen and paper or start pounding away on the keyboard and let everything out.  The words seem to flow, almost to the point of overflowing.

OR….

I find “words of another” that say everything I wanna say but can’t seem to muster up on my own… whether  it be through quotes, verses or music.

But, there are some times in which I am quite simply at a loss for words.

Recently, I was forced to face a situation I never thought I’d have to experience… losing my job.  (Gah!  I shudder when I say that…)  It was a surprise; It was a shock; it rocked my world.

Words ceased to exist….

In my mind I could only think… “It’s not fair.”

SINCE WHEN HAS LIFE EVER BEEN FAIR???

If life was “fair” my parents wouldn’t have lost their first child at such a young age… If life was “fair” my step-dad and many others would still be here with us not watching over from above… If life was “fair” then little girls like Caylee Anthony would still be here… If life was “fair” homelessness wouldn’t be a problem in our society neither would war or cancer.

I could continue to go on, but you know you’ve been there…  saying that something

JUST.ISN’T.FAIR.

As of May of this year, the unemployment rate in the US is at 9.1% according to the Bureau of Labor and Statistics.  Clearly, I am not alone.  Yes, I lost my job… but so have many others. Some that have families to support, some that are individuals such as myself.  The manner in which it happens is different… downsizing, bankruptcy, whether the reason is true or not, or just because it’s time to move in another direction; whatever the reason, it doesn’t make it easier to hear…it doesn’t necessarily sit well.

Here’s the thing though… it’s only been a little over a week and I know that it will be ok.  I am ok.  I will be ok.

I was blessed to have met some amazingly wonderful people through my 8 years there.  Some phenomenal kids and families and terrific co-workers and staff; some of which that have become my friends and will continue to be a part of my life; some that will no longer be a part of my life anymore and I am ok with that too.

What I’ve lacked in words I garnered in emotions… I’ve been through the gamut a few times and back again. From anger, hurt, sadness and betrayal to contentedness, happy, jovial and just plain old okay to numb and disbelief.

Yet, words still escaped me… Trying to describe the roller coaster of emotions just wasn’t possible… at times, it’s still not.  In talking with those closest to me, they too struggled to find the words… Words that would make me feel better, words of encouragement, of support and understanding, of empathy or sympathy.

Usually, I would turn to writing or listening to my music, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.  Really couldn’t put my finger on any one thing that would make things seem a bit better or help me to channel all the emotions I was feeling.

There were 2 days where I listened to not one song…. I didn’t write one word….

Soooooooo….. NOT…… ME……

Until a very dear friend of mine shared this with me.

I sat at my dining room table… chatting with my friend…listening to this song… tears streaming down my face.

Really?!?  Wait am I waiting for????  This is MY time…. My time to move on to BIGGER and BETTER things.

Which was something I was afraid to do;  if I was honest with myself I would have realized this much sooner.

My words slowly started to return to me…

I then received this song…

The tears began rolling down my face again as I realized these words and the words of the previous song were the exact words that I was searching for and needed to hear.

I am so incredibly lucky to be surrounded by so many wonderful people… I’ve been overwhelmed with the amount of support, love, warmth, prayers, well wishes and listening ears I have been blessed with.  From family and friends in the “here” world to those in my “far” world as well as my blogging friend circle, words can’t express how truly thankful I am to have you in my life.  With your help, I am coming out of this a better person; you’ve helped me to find the words.

I can hold my head high knowing that I’ve done right in my life… I’ve made a difference in people’s lives… I have accomplished many things that I am proud of.  This my friends has just given me a push to do even better things.

Now taking the steps to move on with my life… moving forward into new adventures that promise to be bigger and better than any I’ve ever experienced before.

I received one final song from my friend…

Upon hearing I just sat at my dining room table, shaking my head.
Now, at a loss of words because I had found my words… Or more accurately, my friend GAVE me the words. Everything that I was feeling, thinking, needed to hear and needed to be reminded of were just passed along to me by my friend.

I am reminded that while yes, this situation is not ideal, it could be worse.  I do still have a roof over my head and even if I have to leave my home I do have somewhere else to go.  I do have my health for the most part.  I have family and friends that love me, support me and pick me up when I’m down.

I have people who listen when the words are overflowing…. I have people who love me for who I am not what I do… I have people who believe in me no matter what… I have people who care for and support me in ways that I never thought possible from all over the WORLD (for reals?!?  How cool is that!?!).

I have people that GAVE me the words I was searching for…  For that, I am ever so grateful.

So I am looking forward; no looking back.  The road ahead is sure to be bumpy, but I know that I have the best company at my side and in my heart,  along the way.

I don’t know just yet where I am going or what I’m going to do… (there are a couple promising prospects on the horizon my friends 🙂 )  Yet, I do know that with the support and love of those closest to me and His grace guiding me, I will come outta this on top.

Shaking my head…

Sometimes that’s all you can do…

When something throws you off or a person disappoints you;

When the past crawls outta the woodwork;

When you’re reminded of misguidings and transgressions;

When you think you’ve got things figured out and it all gets mixed up and strewn about by one singular, simple act…

All I can do is shake my head.

Today I was thrown off by someone attempting to enter back in to my life after having treated me in a most immature and disrespectful manner several months ago; Showing no regard for my thoughts, feelings or well being those months ago only for their own.

I am a better person…  I have grown… I am okay… I am me….  

If you don’t appreciate me for that or all that makes me who I am then you don’t deserve a place in my life…

You are a part of my past and that I’m happy to say is just where you’ll stay.

 

All I can do is shake my head…

 

 

Silencing the Suspense…

Now I know you’ve all been chomping at the bit since my post “STAY TUNED…”, wondering what fun things happened last week.  I am slightly afraid that I let the anticipation build up more than I should have for what I find fun and exciting news may not be held in the same regards as you my friends!

But… here goes….

1.)I finally started to feel better!!!!  After feeling down right awful from kidney stones wreaking havoc on my body for nearly 2 weeks, I passed FIVE stones!  Yep, you read that right.  FIVE STONES.  Now for those of you that have never experienced stones, let me tell ya….worst.ever. most.excruciatingly.awful.pain.  THANKFULLY, I have a high tolerance for pain because I quite simply don’t have the funds to go to the ER every time I have pains, only for them to charge me out the wazoo for a whole lotta nothing.  While dealing with them is no easy task, I am extremely thankful that I am able to pass the stones myself all in due time!!! That my friends is cause for celebration!!!

2.)I was able to relive some of my most awesomely favorite childhood memories on Wednesday night!  My lil sis, two childhood friends and two others lived it up at the NKOTBSB concert!

Me and Chookie pre-gaming at the Marriott

YA, I know…. a bit cheesy, but I’m not afraid to admit the fact that I thought it was a fantastically fun show to see!  Our reason for going was solely to see the New Kids on the Block as we did when I was in 5th and 6th grades.  They sang ALL the songs we grew up loving and then more recent songs.  It’s oddly strange  and refreshing to know that as a nearly 33-year-old gal, I can instantaneously  revert to an 11-year-old version of myself singing along and screaming for the “kids” that clearly turned into men somewhere along the way.  This show brought back sooooooooo many fun and silly memories from our days of claiming one of the fellas as our boyfriends and putting on shows for our family, friends and neighbors at our summer birthday parties.  I must say though, that it was kinda funny thinking about us actually being there for another concert…  I at almost 33 and my lil sis being 8 months preggers!  We were not alone…  mostly ladies our age and lots of other gals were preggers too.  Sis was a trooper for sure…not sure that I’d have been able to do it myself!!!  TONS OF fun and more great memories from NKOTB!

 

There was a moment when I thought of a blogging buddy during the concert.  Didn’t even see it coming though I should have anticipated it seeing as the New Kids are from Boston…  The concert took place the same night as the Stanley Cup Championship game.  My friend Donna, over at the Redneck Princess is a DIE HARD Canucks fan and darn proud of it!  I had even commented to her earlier that day, that I had a good feeling her fellas were gonna pull off a win that night because I WOULDN’T be watching.  Thought for sure they had it in the bag…. that was until NKOTB came out sporting their Bruins gear and said that they were winning 3-0.  Donna, I thought of you immediately and will say my heart sunk for ya!  😦

 

3.) I generally consider myself to be one of the most “unlucky” people ever known to walk the face of the earth.  While I am lucky to have my family, friends, a job, home, car, etc.  I am not a person who wins things EVER.  I refuse to play the lottery because I don’t even win on scratch off tickets… I have never been to a casino seeing as I can’t even win stinking tickets at Dave and Busters!  But this week my friends my luck changed a bit! And believe it or not, it involved Facebook!!!  The lovely Jonathan Michael’s Boutique was sponsoring a contest to win a  Kenny Chesney Tailgate Party Package worth $600.  This beautiful little shop is partially responsible for feeding my Vera Bradley Addiction and many of the charms on my Pandora bracelet charms… Visiting the shop is a dangerous, dangerous thing for me!  Great for the lovely ladies that work there though!!! Forgive as I digressed….

All you had to do was post on their wall what summer means to you…

Believe it or not, I kept it short and sweet ( I know you’re thinking it’s impossible, but really I did!)  Here’s the proof!

Now, my friends it was a shot in the dark.  JMB has a very loyal clientele, coming from far and wide.  ( I’m a firm believer that the owner makes a business and let me tell you, this gal is a true peach.  Customer service is #1 there!)  They’ve got a phenomenal reputation in the community, without a doubt!  I was one of many hopefuls to share their thoughts on summer via Facebook.  I crossed my fingers, but really didn’t think anything of it.

The other night I got an email notification from a co-worker saying “Yay!  Congrats Megan!”…. Huh?  What is she talking about?  SO I get on FB to see what the deal is and….. I WON THE TAILGATING PACKAGE!   Wooo hooooo!!!

Two tickets, chairs, food and music worth $600

I couldn’t believe it!  Absolutely, completely thrilled!

I then became even more excited when I realized that Zac Brown Band is going to be there also!  July 2nd is gonna be a BLAST!!!  Now I just have to figure out who’s coming with!  Any takers out there?  😉  Ha ha!

 

A HUGE thank you to Jane and Jonathan Michael’s Boutique for such an awesome surprise!  Can’t wait to share pictures 🙂  Monday I get to pick up my goodies and then the countdown begins to July 1st ( my first day of vacation!!!!) and July 2nd which is the concert!!!

 

What good things have happened to you lately?  Care to share a negative that turned into a positive?  (Kidney stones =>passing kidney stones)

Happy Anniversary… A year of blogging!

It’s my one year “blog”-iversary today!!! On June 12, 2010 I wrote The Bits ‘N Pieces, which was my very first blog post!  Was it really a year ago already?!?

During these last 12 months Maggie Mae’s Days has seen…

  • 115 Blog posts
  • 7,851 views
  • 30 subscribers
  • 782 comments/pingbacks
While pleased and overwhelmed by those numbers, none of that matters to me in the least.
What matters is all that has changed and how much I’ve grown during that time span.  My blog has helped to fine tune my writing and share my life with all of you.  Writing on my blog helped me deal with and rationalize all the ups and downs and anything and everything in between. Sharing with you has helped me to work through some tough times without anyone holding or passing judgement. I’ve become more confident in sharing my thoughts, views and opinions and have learned to accept compliments and criticisms much more gracefully.
I’ve come to know so many WONDERFULLY AMAZING people through writing this blog; each of whom has  provided support, comfort, smiles and laughter through their own words on their blogs as well as in the words they shared with me personally.  Through comments, personal emails, tweets and Facebook messages I’ve received support and reassurance. I want to thank my blogging friends…I am so blessed to have met you and come to know you through our sharing of words.  There are some that I consider to be true friends even though we’ve never physically met.
You’ve walked with me through the adoption of B-Shane;
you’ve helped me through it all, the tough stuff remembering those gone before me;
you’ve supported me during the loss of my grandma;

Roger Waters

You’ve learned about my love of music, music, music and more music;
You got to see my most favorite things and read through 100 random facts about me;
You’ve watched as I’ve crossed off items on the list , cheered me on through kitchen drama and my return to running, while helping me to refocus when I’ve lost my way.
Through it all I’ve learned that no matter how difficult the days may get, the promise of better days is ever-present; It’s up to me to recognize and acknowledge what I’m presented with and make the best of any and every situation.
Some numbers that DO matter from the last 12 months…
  • Nephew #4 was born only 10 days after I began my blog
  • Nephew #5 will be born exactly 1 month away from today
  • I’ve been to 6 concerts
  • I’ve participated in 5 craft shows
  • Been to 2 weddings
  • My car celebrated it’s 1st birthday
  • I turned 32 and will soon be 33 next month
  • I ran in my first 5k
I really don’t know what made me decide to start this blog since I’ve been writing for as long as I remember.  I don’t know how long I will continue to write on this blog since you just never know what will happen when.  What I do know is, I will continue writing as long as I am able to.  I will continue to write and share with you whenever I can… I’ve enjoyed getting to know you and sharing of myself with you.  I hope that you’ve enjoyed stopping by and that maybe I made you smile, made you laugh or share a tear.  All I ask is that you take a piece of me with you just as I do each and everyday.
I’ve truly enjoyed the journey that Maggie Mae’s Days has taken me on throughout these last 12 months.  Who knows where I’ll be or what I’ll be doing this time NEXT year?!?  I hope that I’ll still be writing and sharing here so that I can look back and reflect just as I have today.  This has been such a rewarding and uplifting experience thus far… I can only imagine the places it will take me and the people I’ll meet in the coming year. Thank you for joining me and coming back for more…
Be sure to check out the hyper-links in case you missed any of those posts!  And if you get a chance, check out my favorite blogging friends!  They’re the BEST of what’s around with out a doubt!
XOXOXO

…pUzZlE pIeCeS…

The puzzle…

A mystery that never ceases to amaze and astound.  One ponders the possibilities filled with  loops, swoops and pulls in directions unknown and ever-changing.

Finding all the pieces…

Try as I might, attempting to pinpoint all the pieces in the puzzle of life is exhausting.  Bits ‘n pieces are hiding all throughout.  Some plainly in vision, while others remain tucked deep away where eyes have not seen and ears have not heard. Whether it’s the smallest of your hearts desires or the grandest of life’s adventures each serves a purpose, helping to get you to where you are destined to be in life.

The kicker of the whole thing is that where you think you should be or where you want to be may not necessarily be in your life’s plan.  While you have wants, desires and needs and can control some things in life, the greater scheme of things is not in your control.  How you handle and react to all that is thrown your way is something you have control over.  Remembering that is a challenge for me.

Sometimes I find myself questioning things and wondering what makes people act and react the way they do.  It can be quite perplexing at times…

“Why do bad things happen to good people?”

“Why is it so easy for people to be dishonest?”

“Why would a person be brought into my life only to be taken away for one reason or another?”

“How can a person say meaningful things to you one minute, then act like you don’t exist the next?”

Have I come up with answers to any of these questions?  No, not even close actually. Guess I’ll be left to wonder.

Another aspect is deciphering where you want to be in life versus where you should be.  Deciding which road to take and contemplating paths you’ve already taken.  I know for a fact that one decision I made 9 years ago COMPLETELY and TOTALLY changed the path of my life.  Was it a path for the better?  Honestly, if I could make that choice again, I would ave chosen differently… no doubt about it at all. But the long and short of it is that some good things did happen since I made that choice 9 years ago, some of which probably wouldn’t have happened had I not made that decision.  Unfortunately though, I’m left with a much more negative taste in my mouth regarding taking that path and what subsequently followed over the course of these 9 years.

I’m at a point in my life where trying to find the pieces and putting them together is quite difficult.  Which pieces are the right ones to focus on?  Which path should I chose?  Things that were once promising  are now questionable…leading me to think of different possibilities and options for the future.

All I know right now, it that I am puzzled by the puzzle.  I’m not going to quit trying to figure what’s what and where each piece goes… I just need not to let it consume me. Each piece will fall into place on its own at the guidance out of my control.  It’s in Someone else’s hands.